Locking up the female child (’til she’s 30)
I don’t know when it happened that I got so old… but there are times that events remind me that I am starting to think and act like an old guy and that I am just not a kid any longer. Case in point was this past Friday. I was in Dallas for a trade show, and the last day of the show, most of the people from the event checked out and left, but we did not have a flight out until Saturday. Thanks to that, while we were closing up our booth, our hotel transformed while we were gone.
Gone were the show attendees, and in came many, many (I mean MANY) kids (and some families) from the University of Texas (Hook ‘Em Horns) and the Oklahoma University (Boomer Sooner). Awash in a sea of Orange (Texas) and Red (Oklahoma), I watched somewhat amused at first seeing this group of kids acting like a bunch of country bumpkins in the “big city” (Side Note: Being from the NY area, I guess I have much higher expectations of what to find in “The City” and Dallas was sorely lacking in this regard).
But as night fell, my amusement shifted a bit. As I watched them get dressed up and head out for a night on the town, my amusement changed to somewhere between disbelief or dismay. I watched as normal young girls turned into Bratz Dolls. I say that because, it was so stunning that I couldn’t believe it was real, it was more like a campy 80′s comedy sort of slutty, trashy look that was so far over the top that it was almost (I said almost) comical. As I saw one walk out of the hotel to meet with her friends wearing 4″ (or better) clear platform shoes, I couldn’t help but utter to my parter, “When did this turn into hookers on parade?”
And then I thought about my little princess. And a cold chill ran down my spine. ”Oh, hell no,” I said to nobody in particular. She is not going to be anywhere near something like this. I am locking her up and bringing in tutors. Perhaps I should take her to see Tangled when it comes out this fall… this way she has an idea of how long I expect her to be locked up.
I went to college in the 80′s during the era of Madonna, and mini-skits, and falling of the body oversized sweatshirts, and still by our standards, “these kids today” seem to be out there. I don’t know. Am I just getting old? Are you afraid of what it is going to be like “out there” when your kids are ready to strike out on their own?
Taking back the vacation part of a vacation
I know it is not (just) me, since I have heard similar complaints from others. I’m not exactly when it happened, though I suspect it was when I started doing things on my own and away from my parents, but somewhere along the line a vacation stopped being about going somewhere to relax and recharge, and instead turned into something that I needed a vacation from when I returned.
My parents were not really beach people, and I think there was a grand total of one time that we actually went to the shore, and that was only because my uncle lived near the beach on Long Island for a brief time. So, when I started to drive, my first and almost weekly summer destination became the Jersey Shore. But of course in your late teens/early 20′s sleep is not something you are all that concerned about. Hitting the beach, roller blading on the boardwalk, closing clubs as many nights as possible..,. it was all about fun (not that there is anything wrong with that) but typically meant I was no more rested then when I left.
Later, when we could afford it, the trips moved from the shore to the islands. Aruba (honeymoon), Bahamas a couple of times, etc. But since (except for our honeymoon) we couldn’t afford full weeks in these locations, we would jet out for a 4 day weekend, Leaving Thursday and returning on Sunday. Other than the location though the routine was very similar. Lots of swimming (with swim up bars), night life, casinos, and then zip back home. On Monday when I got back to work, I needed a vacation to recover from my vacation.
Of course, once the princess came along it became all about her. Sesame Place, Hershey Park, Disney,and of course back to the Jersey Shore, since I was not going to keep her away from the beach like my parents did to me. But as anyone who has to deal with a little one on vacation knows, relaxation and little ones do not go hand in hand. It is all about keeping them occupied and entertained. It is about crafts, and rides, and I wanna do this, I wanna do that, I’m bored, and the like. While I was no longer staying up until all hours of the night, I was no more rested than I was on any other vacation.
Now I have written about our vacations about Chestnut Grove in the Poconos before… here (and here and a couple of more), so I won’t rehash the details of it again (Your Welcome). For the past 5 years we have gone there, and I realized this year (a little dense maybe) what it is that is so really great about it. It is not the accomodations (they are very basic), it is not the activities (though I enjoy them, I know the schedule like the back of my hand), it is not the food (which is good, but again, more homestyle than 5 star). It is about 2 things. The first is that as luck would have it, we met some really great people the week of our vacation. And since this is a place that people return year after year, we get to enjoy our vacation with these same people every year (and LatteGirl has friends that she has made and kept over those years). It is all very predictable to an extent. The way I described it to one person is that it is a vacation that is a lot like a Yatzee Cup. Much like you have 5 dice, all the same, the vacation sports the same people, the same food, the same location every time. But like when you shake that Yatzee cup and roll the dice, despite everything being the same, each year like each roll, brings different results. We interact more with some people and less with others. There are variables out of our control like the rain we had this year for the first 3-1/2 days. Getting calls from work that briefly interrupts my activites, and everything else. So while everything seems to be the same, the results come out different.
But the best thing of all is that I come home relaxed. When I get home, I feel a bit nostalgic and sad about saying goodbye to the friends I will not see for another year (well, except perhaps on Facebook), I feel recharged. I feel rested. I feel ready to take on the world again. And isn’t that what a vacation is supposed to do?
Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret any of the vacations and trips of the past, and certainly seeing new places and things is good. I’m not saying that this vacation is for everybody. And I am certainly going to be going on vacations like the trip to Disney World we are planning for 2011 where I will be more worn out (and broke) than I am now, but if you haven’t done so, I highly recommend finding a vacation that is about recharging you… whatever that means to you. If it surfing great. Hiking in the mountains. You don’t have to be sedentary to be rested. But you do need something that will allow you to be yourself. To forget about the trials and tribulation of the everyday. Go ahead… find your smile. That is after all what it is all about.
Yes, we can make a difference
There are hundreds (if not thousands) of recaps, reviews, etc of this weekends events at the NYC Hilton. I don’t need to tell you that there were thousands (I think) of women and a maybe a couple of dozen men sprinkled in, all with different goals underscored by the commonality of blogging. But even if you weren’t there, chances are if you are reading this, you know what it was all about. So, I will not rehash what really requires no rehashing.
Instead, I will share what I learned, because obviously being in the minority at this event, my perceptions and what I took away, particularly from the keynote speeches will be markedly different than those of the majority. In particular I took a lot away from the closing keynote, because while it was geared and spoke directly to the women of the crowd, the underlying theme is one that we all know but sometimes forget (or toss aside because of political use… but that is another story)… and that message is… “Yes, I can make a difference!”
Ever so often I tend to start shying away from posting here when I get too caught up in one of my phases. In particularly one of my ranting phases. ”Who wants to hear this?” I ask myself. ”Who cares?” and “What difference is it going to make?” During the Keynote it was asked if the sponsors were there “because they like us? No!” And it very true. We as consumers have a lot of power. We as voices on the Internet have even more power. We have the power to not only vote with our wallets, but to spread the word, not to mention the ability to do what PR people fear most… spread the word.
And oddly enough, just today, I saw on Twitter, a post that described this sentiment exactly:
@StephanieWDC: The era of effective consumer boycotts is over. Companies don’t change behavior, they just get better at PR.
And this helped gel my new affirmation I had pledged to myself. This is NOT true unless we allow it to be true. There are victories (albeit small at times) that are being won all over the place if you take the time to look. More and more milk companies are asking farmers to take “No bovine hormone” pledges and offering milk that is no longer tainted with this. Why? Because consumers demanded it. In many of the consumer products that dotted the exhibit all you were seeing the effects of the demands of consumers, items made with fresh ingredients, items that were now organic, or made with greener packaging. No, it is not every company, and some of the companies are being sneaky (but I will address that tomorrow) with their ingredients, but the effects are clear, they are real and they are tangible. And they are there because, “Yes… We CAN!” (please again, put aside your political ideology, because that is not what this is about)
You will see “experts” that will say bloggers are a bunch of egotistical beings that like to hear themselves talk (so to speak), and to some extent, there is probably a modicum of truth to that. I didn’t start blogging because of money, it is not my “job” it is a passion, and one I take pride in doing. So, yes if that is egotistical of me… so be it. But that doesn’t make my voice, my feelings, my opinions any less worthy. It doesn’t mean that if I want to help effect change by supporting the removal of rBGH from milk, or warning others of the dangers of High Fructose Corn Syrup that my sharing that information is just as valid as any other persons.
There is a great line in the movie, “National Treasure” where Benjamin Gates (Nicholas Cage) paraphrases something from the Declaration of Independence:
“If there’s something wrong, those who have the ability to take action have the responsibility to take action.”
If you liked nothing else about this movie, this is a great line, and one that is an excellent take away for every person. We as bloggers, whether the cause be big or small, whether we are trying to right injustices all over the world, or just in our own back yard, we have the tools… and I don’t mean the Web Server, or WordPress, etc. I mean we have a voice, we have a platform, we have the ability to affect change, whether it be fixing problems with food, seeking parity between men and women in elected offices, ensuring our children get the educations they deserve, or finding the best knitting needles to make a scarf, whatever it is you strive to do, to say, to acquire the knowledge to learn, you have the ability. Now it is up to you to go out and do it. say it. be it. Because, Yes… We Can!
Don’t forget Dad
I ranted a bit on Twitter back during the Olympics about the Proctor & Gamble “Thanks Mom” campaign. I can sum up my those dozen or so Tweets and my feelings on the matter in a few simple words… “Screw You P&G.”
So, why am I going on about this again *now*? Well, two reasons. The first is because they have once again been pushing through with some bloggers on additional “Thank You Mom” posts, but the second is much more personal. I have gone on (and on and on) about LatteGirl and her Ice Skating, here, on Twitter, IRL and anywhere else I can, and I know some of you at least are probably tired of hearing about it by now. This week however, while LatteGirl is up in Boston competing at the ISI World Team Championships 2010, I am back at home, and it is this that is currently making me (despite my tag line), just a bit bitter.
As many already know, I take a very active interest in her skating. I attend every competition I possibly can, I cheer her on as much as anybody can, heck I started taking ice skating lessons just to be able to have a better understanding of terms, and be able to spend some time with her in her element. But just as important (I believe), I fund all of this. So, no I am not in Boston right now, not because I don’t want to be there, but because we cannot afford for me to be there. Besides the additional expense of me actually taking the trip, then we would have to board the dogs, and I would have to sacrifice income… Income that we need for her to be able to be able to participate in these events.
Tell me the truth, isn’t that worth a little appreciation for what Dad does? No, I am not there, but that doesn’t make me any less of a supporter in her interests. The title of this is a bit off, but I don’t know another way to put it. I am not necessarily looking for a pat on the back, nor do I think most mothers do it for that reason. They do it for the benefit of their kids as I do. But, I guess it seems that marketers these days are falling all over themselves nowadays to ensure they are pitching to Mom, that Dad sort of gets forgotten in his role. Don’t forget Dad, he cares too.
From the mouths of babes
Well, she is supposed to be my baby… but at 10 years old she doesn’t like to be called that any longer. I accept that I have to come to terms with that. But worse than that (for me), she acts and speaks a whole lot more mature than even her 10 years! What do you think? Let me give you some examples:
Exhibit 1 – After taking her to a Newark Bears Game (her 1st baseball game), that the Bears lost (by a lot).
Me: I hope you still had fun even though the Bears lost.
Her: I had a GREAT time. I got to spend time with family and friends, and that is always fun. The final score doesn’t matter.
Exhibit 2 – After I try and select a movie to watch for Daddy-Daughter Night
Me: What do you think of this one?
Her: This is PG-13… are you sure it is age appropriate for me?
Exhibit 3 – After her aunt asked her if she still was watched Hannah Montana
Her: The show isn’t entertaining any more, and her music isn’t as good as it used to be, so I’ve moved on to other things.
Aunt: So what do you like now?
Her: Bad Romance by Lady Gaga (this one just about killed me on multiple levels)
Exhibit 4 – After seeing a commercial for Zhu-Zhu Pets
Me: Have you ever seen them before?
Her: (Unenthusiastically) Yeah, I’ve seen ‘em
Me: Not interested, huh?
Her: Nah, maybe when I was younger, but now I don’t think I would play with them enough to justify the expense.
So, like it or not she is growing up… far faster than I would like… but fortunately not as quickly as her maturity level would suggest. Is it just her? Is it just me being in denial? Do your kids act far more mature than you would expect for their age?
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