Lock him up

Posted on May 15, 2013 · Leave a Comment

I get into plenty of arguments with people over gun control.  I support background checks.  I am mixed on the idea of “reduced” magazine size.  But I am all for the “right to bear arms.”  But with that “right” comes responsibilities.  And that is where many things go wrong.

In a case here in NJ where a 4-year old shot and killed his 6-year old friend, the father has been charged with child endangerment and enabling access by minors to a loaded firearm.  This is exactly what should happen in all of these cases.  Far too often you see an incident classified as an “accident” (and it is to the extent that there was no malicious intent on the part of the 4-year old), such as the case where the 4-year old nephew of Deputy Daniel Fanning shot and killed his wife when he “accidentally” discharged a gun that Fanning had left laying on the bed. The Tenn Sheriff investigating the incident called it “a terrible accident” and while the Tennessee Bureau of Investigations is examining the incident, over a month later, no charges have been filed.

I realize that ever since the Newton shooting, we are all hypersentive to children and guns.  But let up lay blame where it belongs.  When an adult is guilty of manslaughter by leaving a loaded firearm around that causes death, charge him.  Then hopefully the next person won’t be so careless.

Filed Under: Rantings, Stupid People Tricks, Where's the Manual?

The child and dealing with the loss of a pet

Posted on October 4, 2012 · 1 Comment

When my mom passed away last year, I was ready to deal with the grief, not only my own, but what I thought I would have to deal with from The Princess.  She is a very emotional child, and was fairly close to my mother.  I was rather surprised, though sad, she did not break down nearly as much as I anticipated. (I on the other hand, despite having mentally prepared myself, was no where near as stoic as I thought I would be).  So, I guess in a way I was lucky that I didn’t have much to do in this situation, but I felt prepared for it.

For the third time though in three years, we lost a pet.  In 2010, it was our first hamster, Rufus.  This was the first time since my father’s passing in 2004, and probably the first time that The Princess was truly cognizant of loss and the true permanence of it.  I was in no way prepared for such event, and while I tried to comfort her as best I could, I had no idea what to really say to make it any easier.  We found a nice box that was originally intended for some old craft project of mine.  She decorated it, and we buried Rufus beneath the Scotch Brush in the yard.  We sort of lucked out in a way, and a friend offered her another Hamster (Mousey).  Mousey was far more friendly than Rufus ever was, and this helped and sort of bailed TheWife and I out… at the time.

Late last year, it came time, and we needed to say good-bye and put to sleep our dog Sweetie.  Sweetie was old, and she had been having problems, and The Princess sort of understood and wasn’t caught off guard when the day came.  We spent the morning with her, we gave her extra treats and extra love and had a chance to say good-bye.  And I thought that would make it easier… and maybe to a certain extent it did, but she was still devastated   Actually more than I originally realized.  And she actually put some of the blame on TheWife and I for the decision.  I found this out when one of her dance teachers informed me that The Princess had been talking about her dog and told another child in the class that her parents, “had my dog whacked.”  Wow.  Clearly, did not do as good a job in dealing with this loss as I thought or hoped.

Yesterday, as we were getting The Princess ready for bed (timing is everything, isn’t it?), we knew something was wrong.  Mousey, who always awoke looking for a snack at bedtime, was not stirring.  She looked in the cage.  And she knew.  But hoping against hope, she reached into the cage to try and wake Mousey up.  But she was gone.   Needless to say the hysterics began.

Now you would think after having gone through this twice before, I would be ready.  And you would be completely wrong.  I let her cry  it out.  I tried to console her, but each comment was met with a retort.  First I pointed out the typical lifespan of a hamster.  She quickly point out that everybody told her that the goldfish she won a carnival in the first grade would not last long.  And dammit is she isn’t right, here we are in the 7th grade and the goldfish is still going strong (knock on wood).  I mentioned the possibility of a “Mousey Jr.” which only made her declare that she is not sure that she could handle going through this again.  And she caps it off with, “I thought 2012 was going to be a good year!  Why does everything I love keep dying?”  I hugged her, held her.. and realized… I am still not prepared to deal with this.

This time I found a cigar box with an angel on it, and I made some bedding, put Mousey in it.  ThePrincess asked me to add her favorite chew block and snack in the box, which of course I did.  We went out in the early morning hours, and we had a brief funeral for Mousey.  We tried to keep it upbeat, and talked about the fun time, the fact that she was quite the escape artist, and how fortunate considering her mad escape skills, that we were able to enjoy having her in our family for the past two years.  Mousey is now buried next to Rufus under the Scotch Brush.  And we were able to get through it.

But I still don’t know how to help her deal with this.  Or if there really is something I can do.  I am the type of person that when something is wrong, I like to fix it.  And the reality is, this is one situation that no matter how hard I try, cannot be truly fixed.
 

Filed Under: My Princess, Where's the Manual?

Things that make me say… “Huh?”

Posted on June 1, 2012 · Leave a Comment

Day 1:

Her:  We need to get the princess some new bathing suits, summer clothes, and she needs a new bike, …

Day 2:

Her: I have nothing to wear, I need new sandals, the dog needs to go to the groomers, I am going to sign up for swimming lessons, …

Day 3:

Her: I have to go grocery shopping, get an oil change, Tuition is due, We have to pay for summer camp, I need a skirt for the party this weekend, can you give the princess money for the book fair, …

Day 4:

Her:  We need a new television so we can put the small one in the guest bedroom, ….

Day 5:

Me:  I need to pick up a few things at the store.

Her:  Really?  We need to cut back on our spending.

 

Filed Under: Where's the Manual?

Balancing Santa and reality

Posted on December 2, 2008 · 4 Comments

In some ways I consider myself lucky that at 8 years old, LatteGirl still believes in Santa Claus.  At least for one more year we can keep this charade alive.  Reality and real life will seep in soon enough and take away some of her childhood innocense, and anything that can beat that back for just a little bit longer is fine with me.  

She is already feeling a bit conflicted with messages from both school and Sunday school, being told the Christian mythology that Jesus is the “reason for the season.” (Please, stop the e-mails, I am not condemning any religion, but the fact is that the celebration of Jesus’ birth celebration was assigned to conincide with the Yule season.  And besides, it isn’ t the point).  Like many people, the holiday season this year will be cut back a bit as we tighten our belts and deal with economic uncertainty.  But how do you explain and rationalize that with a child that believes in Santa Claus?

We have told her (as we have over the past couple of years) that the more expensive the gifts she asks for, the fewer in number she will actually receive.  However, in the past, she just accepted this at face value.  Now however, we have to balance reasoning and questioning.  Why?  Santa doesn’t “buy” gifts, he “makes” them, so why does cost matter?  

The expense has also put a crimp in one other tradition I had started with her a few years back, where I get her to pick out at the store, one gift that she would “really, really, really” like to have, purchase that gift, and then she puts it into the Toys for Tots collection bin.  It serves at a reminder to be kind to those that are less fortunate, and also (I hope) reminds that giving isn’t just about giving up what you don’t want anymore.  (After all it is much easier to give a toy that she doesn’t actually want or like, but I try to stress to her if she would like it, so would some other child that perhaps wouldn’t get such a nice gift).   This of course is not as easy since her taste has gotten a bit more expensive.  Sure, I would love to buy a Wii a donate it, but I just don’t have that kind of money to throw around.  Also, now she queries why Santa give less to poor children.

How do you do it?  How do you instill good values, teach about being good to others, teach understanding of economic issues, stay on budget, and still keep it so that it doesn’t completely destroy the magic?  I am open to suggestions.

Filed Under: Family, Holidays, My Princess, Where's the Manual? Tagged With: , ,

How could this happen?

Posted on March 6, 2008 · 4 Comments

TheWife informed me that burying my head in the sand was not going to make the problem go away.  On the one hand, I know she is right, but on the other…well, it just kills me to say it… I mean I don’t understand… She is only 7 (yes, honey I know, 7 and 3/4)… how am I supposed to reconcile and admit my failures as a parent and come to terms with the fact that my sweet little princess is an addict.

I don’t know where she picked up her need for “K” (although to confuse matters more, some know it by another terms starting with “C”) and how she got hooked.  None of the early warning signs were there, she continues to do well in school and her behavior hasn’t changed. I know all of her friends, as well as their parents.  They are all good people.  So where did this come from.  The only real clue  that something was wrong, was her eating habits.  She has always been a fussy eater, and getting her to try new things has always been a raging battle… until recently.  Suddenly she is willing to try some new things, and has expanded her food lineup, but things turn suddenly different when she doesn’t have her”fix” readily available.

I don’t even know where to turn.  They don’t have any programs for this (that I know of), and even if they did, I somehow doubt they would be equipped to deal with somebody so young.  TheWife has confronted her on the issue, and she continues to stubbornly deny even having a problem (and is even cavalier about her using).  I just don’t get it, how… How… HOW could my sweet little one be hooked on… Ketchup?

Filed Under: My Princess, My So Called Life, Where's the Manual?
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