Un-Imbalanced

Posted on February 12, 2008 · 2 Comments

I usually laugh at parents that post about the mythical beast of “balance” between work and home.  I do this usually because it seems like the search is for the one “right” answer, and anybody who has been playing this high wire act long enough knows… there is no one right answer, nor is it even really a constant.  It changes as life changes.

I have basically considered myself pretty lucky.  I have for the most part been able to find a situation that has worked well for me.  Sure, I have passed over a few promotions and positions that would have paid more, but required extensive travel.  But the reality is that I have had that luxury.  I have still managed to make a good enough living, and still managed to be around for LatteGirl.  Have a missed some things or am I around as much as I would like to be?  Of course not, but I have found a place that works for me.

Well, I did.  But now that is being challenged.  I got an offer that is too good to refuse.  There is some risk involved (minimal) but high reward potential.  But it means longer hours, more travel, and a whole lot more stress.  Oh sure I guess I could quit and look for something else, but there is no guarantee that this would provide me with any more flexibility.  I can almost certainly make as much if not more money if I start to commute into Manhattan again.  But, even when I was managing to find the time to be home, I was so wiped out, that I might as well not have been home at all.

So, what is my point?  I guess a big mea culpa.  That even if you accept that “balance” is whatever you can do, there are going to be times, that you will still feel off balance.   That even if you know the beast if only a myth, you will still at times find yourself struggling to find him.

Filed Under: Better Home, My So Called Life, Proud Parent

Ski-rrific

Posted on January 14, 2008 · 3 Comments

Finishing a runNerves started to set in before we reached the mountain. Both for me and for LatteGirl. In the end she stood strong, got on the skis, went for it, and had a blast.   The kids and the adult lessons were on separate areas, so I walked back and forth between the two of them, watching them progress through the lesson.  However, I stopped checking on TheWife after a while, because every time I seemed to come back to LatteGirl, she was in the next stage of her lessons already.  She blew threw her lessons so fast, she was out on the (bunny) slopes, while the other kids she was with in a group lesson were still 2 step back in the progression to the slopes.

Me on the other hand… well… I opted out. Not solely out of fear of another injury (but I will admit it was part… conditions, granular but icy, were just too similar for my comfort.  I may have even had a flashback as I stood there looking up at the mountain.), but also so I could play a supporting role in ensuring that LatteGirl and TheWife’s first trip skiing On the Slopeswas a pleasant experience. So, I played pack mule, and arranger, and of course photograher, so all they had to worry about was enjoying themselves. And they did.
I have to admit, by the end of the day, part of me (the part that was fearful earlier) was regretting not getting up the nerve to get back on those skis. The part of me that was exhausted just from trying to ensure everything went right with this excursion however, was glad that I didn’t try to do all of the little things that I had to do and try to ski on top of it.

So how much fun did the two of them have?  Well, let me put it this way.  Next Monday, while I am at work, and they are enjoying a day off (Martin Luther King Jr. Day) they are planning to hit the slopes again without me.  I guess they don’t want me and my nerves dragging down their mood.  But who knows, as enthusiatic as they are about it right now, they just might be able to get me back on the slopes yet.

Filed Under: Kids Stuff, My Princess, My So Called Life, Proud Parent, Trippin'

A game does not a gamer make

Posted on November 16, 2007 · 4 Comments

Kristen from Motherhood Uncensored was looking for feedback, on kids and computer/video games. This started out as a comment, but when my comment started developing into paragraphs, I thought perhaps it would be better addressed here. (nobody has ever accused me of being short winded)

First of all, she asks the question(s),”Is your tot a gamer yet? Ever? Never?” and in there is I think some of the problem. Commenters also played along and went with the same language and theory. However, “gamer” certainly draws a certain connotation to it (whether you believe that connotation is good or bad is wholly dependant on your POV) that I don’t think applies to kids. They play a game. In the case of some games like V.Smile or Leapster, they even LEARN while they are “playing” (not “gaming”).

I think the fear that every kid that knows how to use a computer is going to turn into some sort of computer zombie slayer is quite overblown. If anything, my bet would be that the exact opposite would often play out to be the truth.  Much the same way that kids that are completely denied sugar are the ones that often hit the candy racks the hardest when they are able to do so, the kid that is denied the opportunity to use computers, whether purely for learning, or even for some amount of entertainment, would be the ones that I would be on to become gaming addicts later as they attempt to make up for lost time.   Not to mention the fact that in this day and age, you are putting your child at a distinct disadvantage if you do not introduce them to technology in a society that whether you like it or not is technology driven.

Of course, like everything else, there needs to be limits.  Limits on the amount of time spent on the computer.  Limits to what they are allowed to play or use, and other common sense rules apply here as well as with anything else.  The fact of the matter is, if you keep it age appropriate, at a young age, whether they realize it or not, while they are playing these games they are learning something… colors, numbers, associations… there is learning going on there, interactive, touch and work with it learning.  Even Seasame Street can’t compete with that, let alone anything else that they might happen to watch on the “idiot box.”

Of course, TV has been outed for the most part as not necessarily the best baby sitter in the world, but most parents do employ it as least once in a while in an effort to get something done, or to find a couple of minutes to get in the shower, maybe get dinner ready without somebody hanging at your heels crying “I booooored.”  And to be honest, again if you keep it smart, and within limits I don’t thing there is anything wrong with that.  And “computer time” could simply be used as another way to not only teach but entertain.  Given a choice, I would rather my daughter grab her Reader Rabbit game, or log on to Playhouse Disney and play some games that teach her something that to give in to another hour or even half hour in front of the TV.

In the second grade, this has already paid off dividends for me and LatteGirl.  She had a science project last week (Don’t get me started on already having week long projects in the second grade), where she needed to look up different types of animals and find out facts about them.  With no help (but WITH supervision), she logged into Encarta, pulled up facts on each animal, and even copy and pasted the URL for each animal and pasted it into notepad so she could print out her bibliography.  I don’t know if I tasked TheWife with this project, if she could have completed the reseach any better or any faster than our seven year old.  That is not a knock on TheWife, but it is a telling scenario of just how proficient LatteGirl has gotten at using her PC.

Sure, when we were in school, we had to walk uphill both ways in the snow, get permission from Mrs. Shushman to go and dust off a seventy pound Encycolpedia to do our research.  But those days are gone.  Your not protecting anybody by keeping technology out of your kids hands.  If anything, you may be hurting them.  If they are going to turn into a gamer (not that there is anything wrong with that), they are going to do it whether or not you let them play an interactive game when they are young.  Our society is to technologically advanced to sit back and try and deny it is there.

Filed Under: Health and Safety, Kids Stuff, Proud Parent, Rantings

Love Thy Neighbor, but not on school grounds

Posted on November 7, 2007 · 2 Comments

OK, so last year students learned that even a 4-1/2 year old can get suspended for “inappropriate physical behavior interpreted as sexual contact and/or sexual harassment” by giving his teacher a hug. OK, I said then it was stupid, and nothing has changed my mind. But what I didn’t see then was it seems that it was only the start of stupid suspensions kids would be getting at school.

Now we have students getting suspended for “spreading rumors” when they report a teacher for having sex with a student. What is worse is that rather than admitting that they screwed up the school administration says, “they had no hard evidence at the time, because both the teacher and student denied it” (gee… can I get a “duh” here?) so the only “logical” step they had was to suspend the student for the “rumor.” Only I wouldn’t have been quite as smug as these administration officials when the teacher was later arrested for having a sexual relationship with the student (which police discovered on their own, since the school never reported this “rumor”). I guess we should be happy that the school administrators finally saw fit to suspend her.

Things can’t get much more stupid can they? Well yeah, they can. How about getting a days detention (each) for hugging two friends as you say goodbye before heading home for the weekend? Stupid? But of course. And once again, you have a school official, in this case District Superintendent Sam McGowen rushing to defend school officials saying that the penalty was appropriate because the school policy handbook states:

“Displays of affection should not occur on the school campus at any time. It is in poor taste, reflects poor judgment, and brings discredit to the school and to the persons involved.”

I defy this clown to tell me what is in more “poor taste and reflecting poor judgment”… being, friendly and polite with friends, and giving them a hug goodbye?”  Or giving the girl detention for doing so?  That you have kids that would rather hug and say goodbye discredits the school?  No, I’d day that job is done quite well by idiotic school officials that apparently don’t have the critical thinking skills necessary to be able to discern  what would be deemed inappropriate or reflecting poor judgment.  The poor judgment is how these people got these jobs.  If I was a parent of this girl, I would be having a “hug in” on school grounds.  But I am vindictive that way.  (hat tip to Doug for this)

Filed Under: Political Parenting, Proud Parent, Rantings, Stupid People Tricks, WTF Moments

Stifled… no more

Posted on October 18, 2007 · 5 Comments

Both Cathy and Dad Gone Mad brought up issues recently, that are completely separate with the exception that they are both pet peeves of mine. Pet peeves, because they both wind up making me do or act in ways that I don’t necessarily want to, but seem to bend to the will of others.

First, there is the issue of the “Helicopter Parent.” This is a tough one for me because I straddle such a thin line. LatteGirl is always initially shy around new people, once she warms up she is fine, but she will rarely do it without encouragement and would tend to withdraw if not prompted. Secondly, she wants to much to be accomodating to others she will often wind up rather unhappy when certain kids (including her cousin) tend to take advantage of this “weakness” and boss her around. I don’t want to wind up being (or even appearing to be) a Helicopter Parent, so I have in the past, not exactly fed LatteGirl to the wolves, but I didn’t step in, where I think I probably should have in the past, because of this.

I have also made her be the “bigger person” when another child is rude or such, because it was not my place. This can be quite frustrating. Particularly with some of her friends, that apparently are children of parent’s that don’t seem to see anything their child does wrong, or give the “kids will be kids” explanation.

I still don’t want to be seen as what is (really) a Helicopter Parent, but I also no longer want it to prevent me from being my daughter’s best advocate. One question that goes along with this however. How do you deal with kids that have parent’s that won’t take charge of thier kids ever? For example, is it proper to ask another person’s child to stop screaming? Or to tell them to share? I’m not talking about scolding, but more about playing peacekeeper. What do you do, when it seems like it is always your child that has to make concessions, and “be understanding” with other kids, who apparently are raised by people that don’t have the same common courtesy?

The other issue, is “bragging.” I have read plenty of books, articles and even blogs of people that do a lot of complaining about how much parents talk about (or brag about) their kids. Yet, I know as for myself, and virtually if not every single blog I read, the parents while certainly proud of their kids, often keep it very subdued, if not downright humble. We tend to minimize everything. Or we decide it is “no big deal.” We keep conversations about our kids “short and sweet.” Yes, I know there are people on the other end of the spectrum, people who are sure that their kids are gifted and bound for greatness and already enrolled in the Albert Einstein Program for the Gifted by the time they are 6 months old. But that doesn’t mean I need to compensate by keeping the spotlight off my own daughter at all times.

So, now as he suggested, I am going to put an end to that. (And I of course invite you to do the same, either in comments or your own blog).

LatteGirl is incredibly bright. She is disappointed when she comes home with a less than perfect score on a test (even though we do not in any way put any pressure on her in that way. Matter of fact, we are usually having to tell her that nobody is perfect).

LatteGirl is a good sport. She is not necessarily good at all sports, but she enjoys playing just about anything. She is not the most athletic, her athsma often hampers her, but she gives it 110% always, and has fun while doing it.

LatteGirl is a sweetheart. She has compassion to spare for anybody, everybody, and every creature she encounters. She is friendly (when she gets past her intial shy stage), she will do anything she can to try and make somebody else feel happy, loved, and welcome. She doesn’t hate anybody, and in her 7 year old philosophy, there is nothing in this world that is so bad, that it can’t be fixed with a hug and a kiss.

Your turn.

Filed Under: My Princess, My So Called Life, Proud Parent, Rantings
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