It was May 30th, 2000 when you burst onto the scene.    Game 1 of the Stanley Cup Finals that night would pit the New Jersey Devils against the defending Stanley Cup champion Dallas Stars (a series the Devils would win in 6 games, a fitting tribute to your entry into the world).

At that time, the world still seemed much more secure than it does today.  I fully expected Vice President Al Gore to become the next President of the United States.

We were still just getting over the fact that all the fears of Y2K disasters, and tales of doom and gloom were not going to happen.

Only a month before the biggest news around was Elián González and the SWAT team that came in to take him back to his father, and his return to Cuba.

So much has changed in the world since then.  But it pales in comparison to how much you have changed and grown.  Perhaps that is why the time has seemingly slipped by me.  I have been so busy watching you grow and change into the smart, beautiful little woman that you are today that I didn’t notice the time going by.

Hence, I ask that you forgive me for still considering you my “baby.”  Because to me it seems like only yesterday that you were just that helpless little baby, and yet that is clearly not the case.

Many milestones have passed.  But they seemed to be coming faster and faster as time goes by.   I can still remember your “graduation” from Pre-School, and now you are finishing the fourth grade.

It doesn’t seem all that long ago that you were learning to walk without holding on to something, but now I am watching you do Salcow’s, Lutz’s, Toe Loops and other jumps and moves on Figure Skates.    It seems at times like this, that I am no longer teaching you as much as you are teaching me.

And it is true.  I don’t feel so much that I need to teach you, or even tell you right from wrong most days.  You steer yourself quite well, and all I seem to need to do is provide some guidance and support so that you can be all that you wish to be.

Your demeanor, your charm, your smile are all so disarming to most that you get along with (virtually) everyone, and makes you a pleasure to be around.  I can’t believe that 10 years have gone by, but with all that you have accomplished, and with all you the potential you have, as much as I lament 10 years being gone, I love watching you soar to new heights on a regular basis, and I can hardly wait to see what the next 10 brings.  Happy Birthday to my Princess.

I know that seems like an odd combination, but please try and bear with me.  I had initially planned on writing about my experiences with attempting to put together a trampoline, but that will have to wait as I have a thorn in my paw.

It was really a fairly innocuous tweet from Lucretia M Pruitt (@LucretiaPruitt on Twitter), that really got me started again… but I really guess I should start with a little back story first, so insert the wavy screen filter and dreamy music as I bring you back a couple of years ago.

Here we are, circa 2007 or so.  My daughter whining about wanting a cell phone.  After all, “all her friends had them,” and she wanted one too.  It was also a time when you couldn’t open a newspaper without hearing stories about kids texting in class, and schools banning cell phone, and other such stuff.  I was honestly confused at the time.  Why were parents buying kids cell phones at such young ages?  I wasn’t indignant about it (more on that in a minute), but just couldn’t see the rationality of it.  Then slowly people started giving some rally valid points.  Kids in more than one place at more than one activity, was one of the first that really resonated with me.  But surely I didn’t have that issue since I only had one to worry about.  Some pointed out the GPS feature in case of a child being abducted, but that to me was more about marketing attempting to scare folks into buying a phone, because more than likely that phone would get tossed by the abductor.

Fast forward to 2009, and my daughter would be finishing her ice skating camp approximately 1/2 before anybody could get there to pick her up.  Now there was plenty of things to do and to keep her occupied for that half hour.  But there was something missing.  Something that didn’t fit in with our “in case of emergency plan” of making sure she had change to call one of us should the need arise.  That problem… there was no pay phone.  Look around.  There aren’t many left, and even fewer that actually function.

We thought about it… not for very long, and I went out and picked her up a Pre-paid mobile phone.  I sat down with my princess and explained the rules to her.  I explained the charges, and what limits she had to abide by.  A year later, she has followed those rules quite well… and it has worked out that we feel quite comforted that she can get in contact with us at any time in case of emergency. (Quick Pimp… This is what lead me to review the new Kin Phones from Microsoft, which I have done on my new Review Blog)

So now, we are considering the next step, and that is giving her a better phone.  Back in 2007, I was dead set against this, but in reality, it was trying to keep her little, and not acknowledging that times are different.  Markedly so.  There isn’t a pay phone everywhere.  And (provided you set down the rules and they listen to them), it teaches responsibility as an added bonus.  So really, it really is a great thing all the way around.

Now, I am a rather opinionated fellow (hey… I heard that).  Of this I do not and cannot argue (oddly enough).  Certainly, Lucretia and I have disagreed on things before (aha… you thought I forgot that I had mentioned her earlier didn’t you?).  But disagree doesn’t mean anything but the fact that we have varying view points at times.  What got me started on this was her Tweet that went:

You can curse me all you like. We got the kidlet her own cell for emergencies. Tired of loaning her my ‘droid

Curse you?  For giving a kid a cell for emergencies?  WTF.  And as is not uncommon, somebody else stated (better than I ever could) what was on my mind (in this case it was BusyMom)

@LucretiaPruitt Ya know? A phone is just a tool, not sure when it became some sign of parenting superiority. Don’t even start me…

There it was, something that has been bugging the ever living hell out of me lately.  Snooty, who the hell they think they are people with some sort of superiority complex.  There are some places, that it is just as equally inappropriate, but more expected, like in political conversations… but in parenting?? If you are a parent presently… then guess what… you are still going through on the job training, and that job isn’t done yet.  You haven’t graduated.  You do not have a “proven method” regardless of how well Muffy and Chad are doing at the Academy of Really big Important Sounding Name School that I use to show how great my kids are and rattle off to get adoration and hear sounds of jealousy from others.  You not not done.  So please, stop and think for a minute before you open your mouth.  Consider for a second that somebody else’s situation may be different than yours.  Consider the oh so slim possibility, that you may not be correct.  Shocking, I know.  But it is possible.  So just climb down off that high horse.  This doesn’t just apply to cell phones, or any one particular issue, but your overbearing, unwanted “edict” of trying to rein down your superior knowledge.  If you are still parent… your job is not done yet… and that means, you still do not have all the answers.  You have opinions.  Nothing wrong with sharing them.  But before you are going to start lecturing somebody else about their parenting.  Stop, sit down, and shut up, until that feeling passes.  Then try talking to somebody as an equal, share your opinions (if they are wanted), and don’t forget to listen as well… because you just might learn something.

Recently, I’ve learned that it is not always what I say, but how I say it that makes a big difference.  Tell me, what have you learned that you didn’t know before.

Trade shows for the year are done, as are (hopefully) business trips.  So other than a new podcast we (“we” being myself along with the unflappable BusyMom) are trying to launch (but more on that soon), life should allow me to get back to blogging on a regular basis again.  I hope.   I don’t know if it is because I haven’t had much opportunity to blog lately or not, but I have been storing up one rant or another, and it seems like all my topics are leaning this way.  I hoped to start out a bit more mild mannered, but decided, if I did that I might not ever get back to it… so my apologies, but here we go with rant one in the series.Over at Career and Kids, there was an interesting little bit on Does Your Husband “Baby-Sit”?  This is one of those things that is a sore subject for me… from a variety of angles.  On one hand, sometimes I think this gets a bit overblown. Even in the comments, several women complained that men should not refer to it a “baby-sitting” when it comes to their own kids.  Really more than anything,  it is just a difference in choice of words.   Blame it on sexist games or “being manly men” or whatever, I know dads that while every bit as happy to be with their kids as anybody else, but when they are talking to their “buddies” use phrases like “being stuck baby-sitting.”  It has nothing to do with “expectations of their wife” or how they feel about their kids.  Turn it around, and even if they would really prefer to be out shopping with their friends, but he is on a business trip, she would NEVER say she was “stuck baby-sitting” to her friends (even if this is how she felt), because of appearances.  After all “what kind of mother would say that?”Yes, there are exceptions to all of these scenarios. There are fathers that treat their wives like they are slaves, and the kids are nothing but critters under foot that the wife is supposed to deal with, and keep in their place because he had a hard day at work.  But they are exceptions, these are outdated 1950′s versions of cavemen (or Republicans).  And these clods wouldn’t “baby-sit” anyway (at least not without a fight), so really the complaint is about bad wording.  On the other side of this coin, do you ever wonder why some of these issues continue to come up?  Look around, read some blogs and really pay attention to what is being said.  Look at advertising, and even (I may have mentioned this once before), look at medias portrayals of men as parents.  Take a look at any “parenting” magazine.  Count how many ads you see that aren’t specifically targeted towards women (you won’t need more than one hand, and will probabaly have a finger or three to spare).  The argument will most likely be, “but men don’t read these magazine.”  And that is probably true, but why?  The articles are writen to, for and about women.  The ads are selling directly to (and exclusively to) women.  So why would a man read it?Take in a sermon (or speech) from to biggest (or at least loudest) voices of the “moral majority” and you head how men are not men any more.  How women are supposed to stay home to take care of the children.  While they treat this more like the previously mentioned silly outdated theories of the men “make the money,” the other not talked about side of it, is that obviously these people don’t think (and in some cases they may be right) that these men are fully capable to be a full time parent. Read a few Mommy Blogs long enough and you will see how women are “amazed” at how well things went when she went on a trip, or how she doesn’t trust him to check their homework, or get them to soccer practice, and so on.  They love their husbands (I presume), but yet they trust them with nothing, allow them to do nothing, in many cases don’t bother to tell them anything, but then don’t understand why he is disconnected with “everything going on.”My final (and admittedly a bit silly, but it is worth the point I hope to make) complaint is how father’s are portrayed in movies, media, etc.  Funny, how so many women complain and hate “pricess” things because of all the supposed negative stereotypes (that is a whole other rant for another day), but let us look for a second at the dads.  Cinderella’s father couldn’t raise his daughter alone, so he chose to marry (granted poorly) so that his daughter would have a proper mother.  Staying in Cinderella you have the crazy king, insistent on getting his son married.  ”Crazy Old” Maurice trying to raise Belle.  Bambi basically learned it all on his own out in the wild because his mother died.  While he eventually catches on, the humor in Mr. Mom is how inept Jack is at taking care of his kids when his wife goes off to work.  Daddy Daycare also shows that men have “no clue” how hard it is to raise children.I am a parent too.  I care just as much, and do just as much for my daughter as my wife.  And do so happily.  If you don’t like the wording on how I describe it, change the stereotypes.  Don’t make me look either “whipped” or “freaky” for wanting to do so.  But until that changes, don’t harp on me for how I choose to describe it either*.(*Disclaimer: I haven’t ever used the phrase “baby-sitting” to describe spending time with my daughter… but I am trying to make a point). 

I could have sworn, I had talked about this before, but for the life of me, cannot find it in my archives. Oh, well… to summarize quickly… One thing we did very early with LatteGirl is start her on an allowance.

Now, to cover a couple of issues, I always see when the issue of allowance comes up. We GIVE her an allowance. We do not tie it to chores. Why? Because simply put, we do not provide her an “option” of whether or not she does the chores we ask of her. There is no, conversation like, “well if you don’t clean up your room, your not going to get your allowance.” which eventually (at least once) leads to the reply of “fine, keep you money” No. This is not acceptable, and hence we don’t connect them in such a way.

Now for those that argue, “Why should I pay them for breathing?” I can give you some other ways to look at it. First of course you can look at it as paying on installment the eventual therapy bills they will have as adults, and just consider this sort of a payment plan or savings account towards that. More seriously though, stop looking as it as paying them. Think of it in how much it can possibly save you. You are going to spend money on your kids anyway. This allows an easy to understand cap on some types of spending, as well as provides a way to teach financial responsibility.

We give LatteGirl $1 per week for every year. On other words she is 7 now, so she gets $7 per week, but after the end of the month when she turns 8 she will get a “cost of living” increase. With that money we have set up 3 banks for her and (approximately) a third goes in each. So right now, $2.50 goes towards her college fund (and gets put into her 529 plan every other month), $2.50 goes into her “saving up” fund. These are for larger toy purchases she wishes to make outside of what she gets for her birthday or Xmas. The final $2.50 is for her “instant gratification” fund that she can spend (almost) any way she wants. She wants to buy gum, a candy bar or to get something from the Ice Cream Man rather than the ice cream in the freezer? It all comes out of her money. She learns to balance the “I want” against, “is it worth it?” Yes, she has made a mistake or two along the way (but who hasn’t… I still make them), but by and large, these lessons have really seemed to sunk in.

Which brings me back to why I started this post. Perhaps, she is learning a bit too quickly (for me anyway). I have gone out of my way to avoid certain toys. Some are hard and fast rules that we do not allow (i.e. Bratz) but others are things that I am just sort of trying to stall on. One of those items is a Nintendo DS Lite. She has enjoyed the LeapFrog Leapster, and I get the bonus of not only is it entertaining her, but she is also learning something while she is playing it.

However, lately I noticed she has been a bit more frugal than usual (her only real expense this year was that she finally decided to get her ears pierced… but that is another post), and saving some of her “now” money with her long term. Upon inquiry I was informed that since Santa didn’t come across with the DS, and she already knows she is not getting one for her birthday (her request was for another addition to her American Girl Doll collection), that she was now saving to get one herself.  Between her allowance and a few dollars she got slipped to her from my mother (Aany money she gets in the manner gets split between her 529 Plan and her “long term” saving fund. Yes, we have this covered as well), but between her sources, she is already better than half way to her goal.  And of course, she was quick to point out, that since it is her money, she is entitled to do with it as she pleases since it does not break the “Bratz Rule.”

I am going to have to add an ammendment to these rules and find a way to give myself more veto power.  She is learning her way around these issues far quicker and easier than I ever imagined.  I never thought I would regret teaching her money management, but while I am thrilled that she has taken to learning this so well, I can see this coming back to bite me.

I think I am

Now, admittedly, I already like looking at “the stars” and there is no doubt that I would have taken the time to see the lunar eclipse last week. But since LatteGirl would already be asleep when the full eclipse took place, I promised to break out my new camera and take some photographs.

In all fairness, it is a promise I never should have made. While I like taking pictures, I am by no means a “photographer.” Add to that, I have had precious little time to learn and play with all the new capabilities that the new camera has, and it was a recipe for disaster. But this was of course, the last total lunar eclipse until 2010, so I figured I would give it a shot (so to speak).

Now the week before (actually only several days before) we had some unseasonably warm weather.  But of course this particular evening was not so kind, and of course, I found myself out of firewood for the chimenea.  So, I brewed a pot of coffee, bundled up, set up the tripod and had at it.

With no real “second chances” to do this again, I fired off about 100 shots, at various depths of field, and shutter speeds and ISOs until I found what I thought was the best balance.  From there, I would take each picture from that level, and then again with both up and down two steps from there.  (Thank goodness, an eclipse is not a fast moving event).  In the end, I came up with about 20 shots that I am satisfied with (10 of which have already been uploaded into flickr, such as the one in the right hand corner).  I was wishing at the time, that I had made a greater investment for a real SLR and lenses, but truth be told, until I master the basics a bit more, it probably would have been a waste.  A camera is only as good as the person working it, and I still have some learning to do.

With about an 80% “failure” rate, I was seriously wondering why they hell I went through all of that.  Until the next day.  As I was sorting through the pictures, and using Gimp to clean them up a bit (BTW, image processing, another area I have a LOT to learn.) LatteGirl came over and spotted the pictures.  She was thrilled.  She loved them all (even the less that great shots), and spent the better part of 10 minutes hugging me and thanking me for all the “great” pictures of the eclipse.  She even begged me to print out of couple so she could show them off at school.  Suddenly, I forgot how cold it was standing out there for several hours, or how little sleep I wound up getting before heading off to work the next day, or how disappointed I was with having so few decent shots to show for the effort.  Suddenly, it was all so worth it.

I usually laugh at parents that post about the mythical beast of “balance” between work and home.  I do this usually because it seems like the search is for the one “right” answer, and anybody who has been playing this high wire act long enough knows… there is no one right answer, nor is it even really a constant.  It changes as life changes.

I have basically considered myself pretty lucky.  I have for the most part been able to find a situation that has worked well for me.  Sure, I have passed over a few promotions and positions that would have paid more, but required extensive travel.  But the reality is that I have had that luxury.  I have still managed to make a good enough living, and still managed to be around for LatteGirl.  Have a missed some things or am I around as much as I would like to be?  Of course not, but I have found a place that works for me.

Well, I did.  But now that is being challenged.  I got an offer that is too good to refuse.  There is some risk involved (minimal) but high reward potential.  But it means longer hours, more travel, and a whole lot more stress.  Oh sure I guess I could quit and look for something else, but there is no guarantee that this would provide me with any more flexibility.  I can almost certainly make as much if not more money if I start to commute into Manhattan again.  But, even when I was managing to find the time to be home, I was so wiped out, that I might as well not have been home at all.

So, what is my point?  I guess a big mea culpa.  That even if you accept that “balance” is whatever you can do, there are going to be times, that you will still feel off balance.   That even if you know the beast if only a myth, you will still at times find yourself struggling to find him.

Nerves started to set in before we reached the mountain. Both for me and for LatteGirl. In the end she stood strong, got on the skis, went for it, and had a blast.   The kids and the adult lessons were on separate areas, so I walked back and forth between the two of them, watching them progress through the lesson.  However, I stopped checking on TheWife after a while, because every time I seemed to come back to LatteGirl, she was in the next stage of her lessons already.  She blew threw her lessons so fast, she was out on the (bunny) slopes, while the other kids she was with in a group lesson were still 2 step back in the progression to the slopes.

Me on the other hand… well… I opted out. Not solely out of fear of another injury (but I will admit it was part… conditions, granular but icy, were just too similar for my comfort.  I may have even had a flashback as I stood there looking up at the mountain.), but also so I could play a supporting role in ensuring that LatteGirl and TheWife’s first trip skiing was a pleasant experience. So, I played pack mule, and arranger, and of course photograher, so all they had to worry about was enjoying themselves. And they did.
I have to admit, by the end of the day, part of me (the part that was fearful earlier) was regretting not getting up the nerve to get back on those skis. The part of me that was exhausted just from trying to ensure everything went right with this excursion however, was glad that I didn’t try to do all of the little things that I had to do and try to ski on top of it.

So how much fun did the two of them have?  Well, let me put it this way.  Next Monday, while I am at work, and they are enjoying a day off (Martin Luther King Jr. Day) they are planning to hit the slopes again without me.  I guess they don’t want me and my nerves dragging down their mood.  But who knows, as enthusiatic as they are about it right now, they just might be able to get me back on the slopes yet.

Kristen from Motherhood Uncensored was looking for feedback, on kids and computer/video games. This started out as a comment, but when my comment started developing into paragraphs, I thought perhaps it would be better addressed here. (nobody has ever accused me of being short winded)

First of all, she asks the question(s),”Is your tot a gamer yet? Ever? Never?” and in there is I think some of the problem. Commenters also played along and went with the same language and theory. However, “gamer” certainly draws a certain connotation to it (whether you believe that connotation is good or bad is wholly dependant on your POV) that I don’t think applies to kids. They play a game. In the case of some games like V.Smile or Leapster, they even LEARN while they are “playing” (not “gaming”).

I think the fear that every kid that knows how to use a computer is going to turn into some sort of computer zombie slayer is quite overblown. If anything, my bet would be that the exact opposite would often play out to be the truth.  Much the same way that kids that are completely denied sugar are the ones that often hit the candy racks the hardest when they are able to do so, the kid that is denied the opportunity to use computers, whether purely for learning, or even for some amount of entertainment, would be the ones that I would be on to become gaming addicts later as they attempt to make up for lost time.   Not to mention the fact that in this day and age, you are putting your child at a distinct disadvantage if you do not introduce them to technology in a society that whether you like it or not is technology driven.

Of course, like everything else, there needs to be limits.  Limits on the amount of time spent on the computer.  Limits to what they are allowed to play or use, and other common sense rules apply here as well as with anything else.  The fact of the matter is, if you keep it age appropriate, at a young age, whether they realize it or not, while they are playing these games they are learning something… colors, numbers, associations… there is learning going on there, interactive, touch and work with it learning.  Even Seasame Street can’t compete with that, let alone anything else that they might happen to watch on the “idiot box.”

Of course, TV has been outed for the most part as not necessarily the best baby sitter in the world, but most parents do employ it as least once in a while in an effort to get something done, or to find a couple of minutes to get in the shower, maybe get dinner ready without somebody hanging at your heels crying “I booooored.”  And to be honest, again if you keep it smart, and within limits I don’t thing there is anything wrong with that.  And “computer time” could simply be used as another way to not only teach but entertain.  Given a choice, I would rather my daughter grab her Reader Rabbit game, or log on to Playhouse Disney and play some games that teach her something that to give in to another hour or even half hour in front of the TV.

In the second grade, this has already paid off dividends for me and LatteGirl.  She had a science project last week (Don’t get me started on already having week long projects in the second grade), where she needed to look up different types of animals and find out facts about them.  With no help (but WITH supervision), she logged into Encarta, pulled up facts on each animal, and even copy and pasted the URL for each animal and pasted it into notepad so she could print out her bibliography.  I don’t know if I tasked TheWife with this project, if she could have completed the reseach any better or any faster than our seven year old.  That is not a knock on TheWife, but it is a telling scenario of just how proficient LatteGirl has gotten at using her PC.

Sure, when we were in school, we had to walk uphill both ways in the snow, get permission from Mrs. Shushman to go and dust off a seventy pound Encycolpedia to do our research.  But those days are gone.  Your not protecting anybody by keeping technology out of your kids hands.  If anything, you may be hurting them.  If they are going to turn into a gamer (not that there is anything wrong with that), they are going to do it whether or not you let them play an interactive game when they are young.  Our society is to technologically advanced to sit back and try and deny it is there.

OK, so last year students learned that even a 4-1/2 year old can get suspended for “inappropriate physical behavior interpreted as sexual contact and/or sexual harassment” by giving his teacher a hug. OK, I said then it was stupid, and nothing has changed my mind. But what I didn’t see then was it seems that it was only the start of stupid suspensions kids would be getting at school.

Now we have students getting suspended for “spreading rumors” when they report a teacher for having sex with a student. What is worse is that rather than admitting that they screwed up the school administration says, “they had no hard evidence at the time, because both the teacher and student denied it” (gee… can I get a “duh” here?) so the only “logical” step they had was to suspend the student for the “rumor.” Only I wouldn’t have been quite as smug as these administration officials when the teacher was later arrested for having a sexual relationship with the student (which police discovered on their own, since the school never reported this “rumor”). I guess we should be happy that the school administrators finally saw fit to suspend her.

Things can’t get much more stupid can they? Well yeah, they can. How about getting a days detention (each) for hugging two friends as you say goodbye before heading home for the weekend? Stupid? But of course. And once again, you have a school official, in this case District Superintendent Sam McGowen rushing to defend school officials saying that the penalty was appropriate because the school policy handbook states:

“Displays of affection should not occur on the school campus at any time. It is in poor taste, reflects poor judgment, and brings discredit to the school and to the persons involved.”

I defy this clown to tell me what is in more “poor taste and reflecting poor judgment”… being, friendly and polite with friends, and giving them a hug goodbye?”  Or giving the girl detention for doing so?  That you have kids that would rather hug and say goodbye discredits the school?  No, I’d day that job is done quite well by idiotic school officials that apparently don’t have the critical thinking skills necessary to be able to discern  what would be deemed inappropriate or reflecting poor judgment.  The poor judgment is how these people got these jobs.  If I was a parent of this girl, I would be having a “hug in” on school grounds.  But I am vindictive that way.  (hat tip to Doug for this)

Both Cathy and Dad Gone Mad brought up issues recently, that are completely separate with the exception that they are both pet peeves of mine. Pet peeves, because they both wind up making me do or act in ways that I don’t necessarily want to, but seem to bend to the will of others.

First, there is the issue of the “Helicopter Parent.” This is a tough one for me because I straddle such a thin line. LatteGirl is always initially shy around new people, once she warms up she is fine, but she will rarely do it without encouragement and would tend to withdraw if not prompted. Secondly, she wants to much to be accomodating to others she will often wind up rather unhappy when certain kids (including her cousin) tend to take advantage of this “weakness” and boss her around. I don’t want to wind up being (or even appearing to be) a Helicopter Parent, so I have in the past, not exactly fed LatteGirl to the wolves, but I didn’t step in, where I think I probably should have in the past, because of this.

I have also made her be the “bigger person” when another child is rude or such, because it was not my place. This can be quite frustrating. Particularly with some of her friends, that apparently are children of parent’s that don’t seem to see anything their child does wrong, or give the “kids will be kids” explanation.

I still don’t want to be seen as what is (really) a Helicopter Parent, but I also no longer want it to prevent me from being my daughter’s best advocate. One question that goes along with this however. How do you deal with kids that have parent’s that won’t take charge of thier kids ever? For example, is it proper to ask another person’s child to stop screaming? Or to tell them to share? I’m not talking about scolding, but more about playing peacekeeper. What do you do, when it seems like it is always your child that has to make concessions, and “be understanding” with other kids, who apparently are raised by people that don’t have the same common courtesy?

The other issue, is “bragging.” I have read plenty of books, articles and even blogs of people that do a lot of complaining about how much parents talk about (or brag about) their kids. Yet, I know as for myself, and virtually if not every single blog I read, the parents while certainly proud of their kids, often keep it very subdued, if not downright humble. We tend to minimize everything. Or we decide it is “no big deal.” We keep conversations about our kids “short and sweet.” Yes, I know there are people on the other end of the spectrum, people who are sure that their kids are gifted and bound for greatness and already enrolled in the Albert Einstein Program for the Gifted by the time they are 6 months old. But that doesn’t mean I need to compensate by keeping the spotlight off my own daughter at all times.

So, now as he suggested, I am going to put an end to that. (And I of course invite you to do the same, either in comments or your own blog).

LatteGirl is incredibly bright. She is disappointed when she comes home with a less than perfect score on a test (even though we do not in any way put any pressure on her in that way. Matter of fact, we are usually having to tell her that nobody is perfect).

LatteGirl is a good sport. She is not necessarily good at all sports, but she enjoys playing just about anything. She is not the most athletic, her athsma often hampers her, but she gives it 110% always, and has fun while doing it.

LatteGirl is a sweetheart. She has compassion to spare for anybody, everybody, and every creature she encounters. She is friendly (when she gets past her intial shy stage), she will do anything she can to try and make somebody else feel happy, loved, and welcome. She doesn’t hate anybody, and in her 7 year old philosophy, there is nothing in this world that is so bad, that it can’t be fixed with a hug and a kiss.

Your turn.

I am not allowed to attend LatteGirl’s Soccer games.  This decree was handed down by TheWife, as she felt that I may pressure  LatteGirl too much.  But the truth is, it doesn’t seem that I need to pressure her at all.  I would however most likely be one of “those dads” that talks too much on the sidelines about what the coach should be doing.

More proof of this came this past week.  LatteGirl had expressed some interest all the way back to last year about being a goalie.  However, the fact that she was one of their best scorers kept her up front all year.  Things looked like they would head down the same path this year as she scored a goal in the first game.  This past week however, the goalie did not show up, and the coach allowed LatteGirl to be goalie.

When I first heard about this after the game I became quite annoyed as I couldn’t understand the logic.  Why would he take one of his best goal scorers and essentially take them away from scoring goals.  When I heard the score was 1-0, I continued with “See, this is what happens.”

But… They won.  In her first game in goal, LatteGirl had a shutout.  Now, I am quick to admit that a shutout in a 7 year old league is far more about luck and your teammates than it is about the goalie,  (Still… It took me almost 4 years of high school soccer before I got my first shutout.) but she still was thrilled.  And how could I not be thrilled for her?  So now I jokingly told TheWife that the coach has a “goalie controversy” on his hands.

She just looked at me… shook her head… and mumbled as she walked away, “THIS is exactly why you are not allowed to go to her games.”

OK, so after being a bit frustrated by LatteGirl this morning with her whinings of boredom, she came up with a plan of what she could do that she would enjoy doing… her summer homework.  She is currently sitting quietly doing math worksheets.

First, we got her standardized test scores and were completely blown away.  (I would brag, if I actually believed they could really tell anything by standardized tests in the 1st grade.) And now this.

There is no way that this child is genetically related to me… it just can’t be.

I just don’t know how it could be! Didn’t I just take this photos yesterday?

Ah, naptime. You don’t know what you have, until it is gone.

Always far more cool than your average little one.

And seemingly growing up way to fast.

Happy Birthday Princess!

I wasn’t planning on writing about the stupidity that is the recent study conducted on children in daycare. Actually, the study wasn’t all that stupid, but more the hype and articles written about it were stupid. And I wasn’t the only one who noticed how this was being covered by the mainstream media.

Initially, I assumed that as nonsensical as the articles were that it would just blow over without much ballyhoo. Then I started reading some articles like at Career and Kids, where the frustration of yet another study on the subject shows. And I guess I can understand that since the way these articles tend to slant things, it always seems to be targeting the working mother. However there was something in the study she was missing, so I reviewed the source, and again it was missing some important pieces of the big picture. (which I will get to in a moment… just stick with me here.)

Worse, I saw this piece discount the frustration, because of what this study “proved” as “facts.” And now I had had enough.

All of these writings are based either on the Wall Street Journal version (you’ll need to be a subscriber to view the whole article) , or the New York Times version. But while the Newsweek version certainly offers up a similar shock value headline, and highlights the “problem” it also (briefly) includes some of the important aspects that I alluded to earlier that both the Wall Street Journal and New York Times didn’t bother with, like the study wasn’t designed to answer the question of “Why?” and the writers took it upon themselves to fill in the blanks, to help fuel the fire of the Stay at Home Mom vs Working Mom.

In the interview with Newsweek, one of the authors of the study admits as much, and goes on to say,

We did not look at why in this study, but other people have looked at this question and have some ideas. [One suggested reason is that] there’s been a move to make child-care programs more academic. Kids are supposed to start school knowing numbers and letters before kindergarten, and this process gives them less free time and forces them to do a lot more large-group activities and worksheets. It’s really hard for a 3- or 4-year old to sit and listen to the teacher talk for extended lengths of time.

So, perhaps then it is not the being away from the parent (as some would have you believe), but the fact that these “advanced” daycares, which are more and more being treated like “Pre-Schools” are not giving enough time for kids to just be kids? Perhaps there is too much pressure to make kids “excel” too early. But since the study was not designed for a “Why” we can not actually answer whether or not that is true.

It was also interesting to discover the following,

We saw no relationship between the amount of child care–whether by a nanny, a family member, or a babysitter–to how the child behaved in kindergarten through 6th grade. Interestingly, we also found that staying home with mom was statistically neither an asset nor a detriment in terms of academic outcomes and behaviors.

So it is NOT a question of having a “stay at home Mom.” A Nanny or another family member or babysitter was equal to Mom. Interestingly, both the Wall Street Journal and the New York Times appeared to miss that “fact” hence I cannot blame Inside Fatherhood when he draws conclusions like,

But like one commenter on my previous post had said, “I don’t know that day-care in itself causes these problems, but it does remove the consistent, parental influence that’s needed to reinforce good behavior.”

This brings up a good point and I think Jared nailed it. So what is it they are NOT doing? I raise 5 kids on my own and I know there are certain laws that prohibit more than 5 kids per Day Care Staff member. So what is it they are not doing that I personally do with my own kids? For one I know I kiss and hug my kids. This is something that staff members can not do and get away with without lawsuits. And who wants some stranger hugging and kissing your kids? We have lost a lot of trust these days from all the pedophiles out there.

Although, I could fault him for not reading further (as I did), and it seems that he was already predisposed to agreeing to the article to begin with. However, he did not have the benefit of seeing the fact that a Nanny, or other individual caregiver, who may not (or would not) provide the “kissing and hugging” that he suggests is the reason why children would be be better behaved.

This study while beneficial, is nothing more than a stepping stone suggesting further study be done. It is not a conclusion. It can’t be without a “Why.” It is simply proof that additional research is warranted. But you wouldn’t know that by the way some are reporting this.

I worried this year… a lot… when it came to LatteGirl going to a new school, a private school, a Catholic school.  Oh, in some ways I knew it would be OK, she had several friends from her Pre-School going there, so she wasn’t completely starting over AGAIN two years in a row (non of her friends were in her Kindergarten class last year).

But still, it is a change.   Then add in uniforms (grumble, grumble) and the like, and I just wasn’t sure how she was going to adapt, and how much she would like it.  Now she has said she likes it, and since the uniform she wears most of the time is a dress, she is pretty much OK with that too (but still loves her “dress down” days so she can wear her “pretty clothes” to school).  Her grades have also been nothing short of stellar so far.  But, probably it being more me than her, I still was concerned.  Until this morning.

I get up at (to me) a rather dreadful, 4:30 in the morning.  After showering, I went back to get something out of the bedroom, and found that LatteGirl had relocated herself from her room to the master bedroom (an almost daily ritual).  But not only had she relocated herself, apparently in her pre-dawn stupor, had already dressed herself for school.  And when it is that automatic, I can only assume that she does in fact like it.

It is a subject I feel very passionate about, so I have sort of avoiding it up until now, since it is not very “today” thinking, but after reading this post from Cynical Dad, rather than just posting a comment, I decided to lay it out there, to allow some more discussion.

So what am I talking about, you are probably wondering by now, and rather than keep you in suspense any longer, it is about this seemingly new trend of holding children back when starting school.  Now under certain circumstances, there may be valid reasons to do so, but I think it is being done far too often these days, and not at all for the right reasons.

Take the case of Cynical Dad, his daughter’s Pre-K teachers admits that his daughter is smart, but still suggests that he delay her entering Kindergarten because “she’d rather socialize than do her work,” and “She worries about what everyone else is doing instead of concentrating on the work at hand.”  There are two glaring things that having gone through this recently enough both with my neice and then my daughter in sucessive years, I noted.

First there is no consideration taken for the fact that despite what they may be trying to prepare them for, unless this is a classroom setting, the kids still have more of an expectation of play-time at most Pre-K programs, especially ones that have kids from the time when they are toddler’s (or infants) up through Pre-K.  They don’t view it as “school” and hence they do not treat it as such.

Second, when they reach this level, if you think about it, it is much like being a high school senior (on a much smaller scale of course).  They are ready to move on.  They have outgrown the atmosphere and hence are just going through the motions as they await the time when they “graduate” (don’t get me started on that whole new tradition).  As such, they no longer feel challenged by what is being presented and they are looking ahead to the day they are “free” from that place.  In that case, they are not going to excel more by making them go through it again, they are just going to be bored longer.

Third, who is going to dispute with me that girls are naturally social creatures.  (Sure it applies to boys, but especially at this age, girls seem more likely to build social groups at this age.  At least that is what I have seen.

Now, I have in the past when taking on this subject usually blamed the parent.  But that was because my experience has been with parents that choose to hold their kids back in an effort to make them the “smartest and brightest” in the class by them being older and more mature than their classmates.  This is the one that really gets my goat and makes me want to slap these parents in the back of the head.  Because in this case it is not about the kid, it is about them.  It is about bragging rights, and about how their child reflects on them.  All the wrong reasons to hold the child back.

However, there is I have come to see more often now, the parents that are more struck with fear by the misguided recommendations of the teachers and others that really should be able to provide proper guidance.  Here is where somebody like Cynical Dad sits.  All he wants to do is what is best for his daughter.  An admirable goal.  But now he is forced into a decision by a teacher that wants to hold his daughter back from Kindergarten for what I believe is all the wrong reasons.  Of course as a parent, you get torn in this situation.  Because even if you believe as I do that the reasons are all wrong, you are still forced to sit there and contemplate it.  What if they are right?  Am I making the right decision?

It is an unfair situation to be put in. But one that seems far too common these days.  We have spent more and more time making school teach these kids more and more, and expect more of them earlier (I certainly know the work my daughter is doing in 1st grade was nowhere near 1st grade work when I was a kid. [shut up]).  But at the same time it seems like we are so ready to stall them starting.  But why?  Because we want them to reflect well on us?  Because the teachers want it easier?  Unless it is because of the child’s needs, it is not the right reason.

Where do you stand?  Would you (or did you) hold your child back? Why?  Why wouldn’t you?

OK, so I admit it. When TheWife started pushing LatteGirl towards joining soccer I did not think it was going to turn out well. She enjoys playing games like soccer in the yard, but never showed much inclination to learn more. Attempt to teach her more were met with MUCH resistance.

But as it turns out she took to quite well. She loved it. She had a blast. She payed attention. She (unlike most kids her age) actually stayed in position. Of course, I still think things could have fallen apart if she got bored. But she scored 4 goals in her first five games, and her team went 4-0-1 in those games.

The only drawback left, is that I was banned from watching her play by TheWife. She fears my natural competitive nature would create too much pressure on LatteGirl, so I can only get updates afterwards.

But, how could I not help but be proud.

You’re a Grand Old Flag

by George M. Cohan

You’re a grand old flag,
You’re a high flying flag
And forever in peace may you wave.
You’re the emblem of
The land I love.
The home of the free and the brave.
Ev’ry heart beats true
‘neath the Red, White and Blue,
Where there’s never a boast or brag.
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
Keep your eye on the grand old flag.

You’re a grand old flag,
You’re a high flying flag
And forever in peace may you wave.
You’re the emblem of
The land I love.
The home of the free and the brave.
Ev’ry heart beats true
‘neath the Red, White and Blue,
Where there’s never a boast or brag.
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
Keep your eye on the grand old flag.

Despite being tired of much of the shenanigans that has (and is) going on, and the disappointment with the current administration (to put it lightly), I still believe in this country, and I believe that it is so great that it can and will overcome. Just watch. We survived the Alien and Sedition Acts of 1798, we survived the infighting of the Civil War, we survived FDR and all jailing of Japanese-Americans, and we will survive the current stupidity of G.W. Bush as well.

But we can not become disillusioned, we can not become disenfranchiesed, we must do our duty and stand up for our democracy. We can not sit back and believe that “it doesn’t make a difference” because it certainly does. One Person, One Vote. It is not a right, it is a responsiblity. Do not shirk it, next Tuesday, get out and vote. Set an example. Make a lesson out of it. Make your children proud of the country they live in and the freedoms it affords. And of course… Keep an eye on that Grand Old Flag.

Just read some parent blogs today, and one thing is actually quite clear. We, the “parents of today” spend more time with our kids than our parents did. I knew this, and you knew this. Only maybe the radicals that think a “woman’s place is in the home” didn’t think this was true. Because how could parents that both work, spend more time with their kids than the good old 50′s model Stay-At-Home Mom did? They refused to believe it. But a new study in the New York times confirms what many parents today already knew, Married and Single Parents Spending More Time With Children, Study Finds.

So how could this be? Well we can take partial credit because parents today tend to be more involved in their children’s lives by choice. But honesty dictates that I also admit there is a bit of “fear factor” that is involved that guilts us into it as well. We worry about, predators and crime, and careless people and tend to watch our children like hawks today more than ever before, not always necessarily because we want to, but because we feel as if we have no other choice.

When I was growing up, perhaps maybe my first year on Little League, my parents drove me to most (if not all) of my practices and games. But from then on, until game day, I was usually on my own. Hop on my bike, with my glove dangling from my bat which was over my shoulder, as I would ride across town to the park.

I can’t even imagine such a thing today. Heck I can’t even imagine my wife dropping my daughter off at practice, leaving and then returning to pick her up. Nope. She is there the entire time. (Why not me taking/picking up for practice is a whole other story for a whole other day. Suffice it to say that my wife thinks I am “too competetive” for the little kids, and I tend to agree).

But, as the story points out, it is certainly not all about the guilt and worry. Men and women both spend considerably more time with their kids than in the past. We spend more time getting involved in their activities, and trying to nurture them, rather than the old, “go out and play, and I don’t want to see you back in this house until I call you for dinner”

So, overall I guess on a whole, we are not as horrible as Focus on Family and others would lead you to believe. Turns out that we can work and spend time with the kids. And despite baseless claims to the contrary. We are doing it. So grab a drink. Sit back. And Relax. Moms… Dads… This [insert beverage of choice] is for you.

We survived the weekend unscathed (for the most part).

LatteGirl got a bad case of nerves prior to her game, and didn’t want to go. In trying to teach her to honor her commitments, we told her she had to go since she had already promised her team and coach that she would be there. Many tears were shed, but she went.

Well, not surprisingly she had a blast playing and even scored a goal in her first game, and her team won making her all smiles, and of course she now loves it more than ever and is looking forward to playing again.

By the time Saturday evening rolled around everyone was pretty well wiped (no big surprise there) so we put off the carnival until Sunday. So LatteGirl and I hit the carnival together (TheWife had other plans with her sisters for Sunday which is why we were originally trying to fit everything in on Saturday). Our luck was absolutely phenomenal. I expected to spend around $20 and maybe… MAYBE wind up with one stuffed animal from the games of chance. We stopped after spending around $15 because we already had 6 LARGE stuffed animals and we just couldn’t carry any more. Sure these were cheap stuffed animals and the total cost of them was probably around $6 total, but we had a blast, and LatteGirl got a kick out of being the one getting pointed at by other kids, who wanted to win “that” particular item, or “that many” prizes.

So, I guess you could call it a win-win-win weekend.

I have a strong desires to make the world a better place, “one person at a time.” Part of my plan, is always being courteous. I have tried to instill this in my daughter, and this story which took place this past October tells me that I am getting through.

I took LatteKid Trick O’ Treating Halloween Night. (She got two separate chances to load up on candy, in the afternoon with DietCokeWife and at night with me).

We get to one House, and while the lady there answered the door, and was handing out candy, she looked none to pleased doing so. The exchange went something like this:

Kid: “Trick or Treat”

Lady: “Here ya go”

Kid: “Thank You!”

Lady: incoherent mumbling

Kid: “The proper response is, ‘You’re Welcome’”