Exhibit 1 – After taking her to a Newark Bears Game (her 1st baseball game), that the Bears lost (by a lot).

Me:  I hope you still had fun even though the Bears lost.

Her:  I had a GREAT time.  I got to spend time with family and friends, and that is always fun.  The final score doesn’t matter.

Exhibit 2 – After I try and select a movie to watch for Daddy-Daughter Night

Me:  What do you think of this one?

Her:  This is PG-13… are you sure it is age appropriate for me?

Exhibit 3 – After her aunt asked her if she still was watched Hannah Montana

Her:  The show isn’t entertaining any more, and her music isn’t as good as it used to be, so I’ve moved on to other things.

Aunt:  So what do you like now?

Her:  Bad Romance  by Lady Gaga (this one just about killed me on multiple levels)

Exhibit 4 – After seeing a commercial for Zhu-Zhu Pets

Me:  Have you ever seen them before?

Her: (Unenthusiastically) Yeah, I’ve seen ‘em

Me:  Not interested, huh?

Her:  Nah, maybe when I was younger, but now I don’t think I would play with them enough to justify the expense.

So, like it or not she is growing up… far faster than I would like… but fortunately not as quickly as her maturity level would suggest.  Is it just her?  Is it just me being in denial?  Do your kids act far more mature than you would expect for their age?

At that time, the world still seemed much more secure than it does today.  I fully expected Vice President Al Gore to become the next President of the United States.

We were still just getting over the fact that all the fears of Y2K disasters, and tales of doom and gloom were not going to happen.

Only a month before the biggest news around was Elián González and the SWAT team that came in to take him back to his father, and his return to Cuba.

So much has changed in the world since then.  But it pales in comparison to how much you have changed and grown.  Perhaps that is why the time has seemingly slipped by me.  I have been so busy watching you grow and change into the smart, beautiful little woman that you are today that I didn’t notice the time going by.

Hence, I ask that you forgive me for still considering you my “baby.”  Because to me it seems like only yesterday that you were just that helpless little baby, and yet that is clearly not the case.

Many milestones have passed.  But they seemed to be coming faster and faster as time goes by.   I can still remember your “graduation” from Pre-School, and now you are finishing the fourth grade.

It doesn’t seem all that long ago that you were learning to walk without holding on to something, but now I am watching you do Salcow’s, Lutz’s, Toe Loops and other jumps and moves on Figure Skates.    It seems at times like this, that I am no longer teaching you as much as you are teaching me.

And it is true.  I don’t feel so much that I need to teach you, or even tell you right from wrong most days.  You steer yourself quite well, and all I seem to need to do is provide some guidance and support so that you can be all that you wish to be.

Your demeanor, your charm, your smile are all so disarming to most that you get along with (virtually) everyone, and makes you a pleasure to be around.  I can’t believe that 10 years have gone by, but with all that you have accomplished, and with all you the potential you have, as much as I lament 10 years being gone, I love watching you soar to new heights on a regular basis, and I can hardly wait to see what the next 10 brings.  Happy Birthday to my Princess.

Me:  Oh, Yeah?

LatteGirl:  Yeah, she is from Korea and she is real nice.  But my teacher says she needs to be fattened up a little.

Me:  Why is that?

LatteGirl:  Because she is so tiny and skinny.  She is almost as skinny as mommy.

And I am now pretty sure anything LatteGirl asks for from now at least through the end of the week, her mom will be more than happy to indulge her in getting.

Obviously, she was also thrilled.  But besides being tired (on the last day they went snow tubing before a 5-1/2 hour ride home), there was a certain… I don’t know what to call it, really… listless undertone to her mood.  What could make a child who just did so well in her competition, had fun swimming (she has continued her streak of swimming in every hotel pool she has ever had the opportunity to swim in… be it frozen for ice, or warm for swimming, apparently you just can’t keep my child away from water).  So what could this reservation in her jubilation be?  She denied it at first, so I didn’t push the issue.

The following morning, I inquired again, and I found out the problem.  It seems there was another girl that is from her skate club that was signed up and in all the save events (and same “flight” as they call it), as LatteGirl… meaning they were competing head to head in each of the 4 events along with other girls from other skate clubs.  As I pointed out earlier, LatteGirl came home with 3 gold and a silver.  This other girl, whom LatteGirl only knows because they have the same coach, but LatteGirl still considers a “friend” came home with 3 silver and a bronze.  Do you see where this is headed?

Yeah, by the time the trip was over and they were heading home, her friend was no longer speaking to her, and in fact was giving her dirty looks whenever LatteGirl looked in her direction.  This troubled her.  She didn’t like that fact that her friend was mad at her, but couldn’t reconcile what she should have done differently.  She believes you should always do the best you can, and besides, this competion, the judges just decide on a winner… there is no scoreboard of points to look at to judge a “level”  So she really couldn’t throw one of the events if she wanted to (there was no way that was going to happen, she is every bit as competitive as I am, and letting up is just not her style), and besides just because she may have thrown an event doesn’t mean that the judges might not have given the medal to somebody else anyway.

It is a shame.  I have always tried to instill good sportsmanship in Lattegirl, but it seems to me that this girl’s parents didn’t bother to teach her good manners or how to be a good sport.) I tried to reassure her that eventually this little girl would probably move on and eventually forget all about coming in behind LatteGirl at every event this time, and who knows, at the next competion she may be the one that comes out on top.

["Not a chance," she says, "next time I will be even better." ]

Yup she is my child alright

But I feel bad that I cannot attend this one.  LatteGirl and TheWife have headed off on their own o Lake Placid.  This is not really all that much different than the event she went to in Yonkers.  Except it is bigger, with far more competitors from all over the country.  

So they are there, and I am here.  I will be missing today’s competition due to firewall issues, but tomorrow I will get to watch her skate via Webcast (Yes, this event has a webcast that they sell tickets to).  So, at least I will get to see it even if I can’t be there in person, but I still really wish I could have made the trip.  Of course somebody has to pay for all these excursions… so I will try to enjoy it as best I can via the Webcast.

There are definitely some benefits to leaving me behind.  I have been such the nervous one since she started competing.  She has managed to be as cool as can be.  So far, she has manged to avoid picking up my nervousness, but if I was around, it would probably only be a matter of time until she decided that if I was so nervous, that perhaps she SHOULD be, and I don’t want that to happen.

Of course, I can try and console my “poor me” factor (and after the expense of this trip, I really mean POOR me), with the fact that I have the house to myself for a day and half (they come home on Sunday).  Well, only me and the dogs, and fortunately they are not talking.  (Oh, please lord don’t turn this into a Bush’s baked beans commercial on me).  So perhaps I will drown my “sorrows” by stopping for a micro-brew or six, order in  some sort of greasy foodthing in and pretend like this was my plan all along and this is how I really wanted it to be.  Yeah, that sounds good.  And besides, I will see her tomorrow… even if it is on a webcast.

She is already feeling a bit conflicted with messages from both school and Sunday school, being told the Christian mythology that Jesus is the “reason for the season.” (Please, stop the e-mails, I am not condemning any religion, but the fact is that the celebration of Jesus’ birth celebration was assigned to conincide with the Yule season.  And besides, it isn’ t the point).  Like many people, the holiday season this year will be cut back a bit as we tighten our belts and deal with economic uncertainty.  But how do you explain and rationalize that with a child that believes in Santa Claus?

We have told her (as we have over the past couple of years) that the more expensive the gifts she asks for, the fewer in number she will actually receive.  However, in the past, she just accepted this at face value.  Now however, we have to balance reasoning and questioning.  Why?  Santa doesn’t “buy” gifts, he “makes” them, so why does cost matter?  

The expense has also put a crimp in one other tradition I had started with her a few years back, where I get her to pick out at the store, one gift that she would “really, really, really” like to have, purchase that gift, and then she puts it into the Toys for Tots collection bin.  It serves at a reminder to be kind to those that are less fortunate, and also (I hope) reminds that giving isn’t just about giving up what you don’t want anymore.  (After all it is much easier to give a toy that she doesn’t actually want or like, but I try to stress to her if she would like it, so would some other child that perhaps wouldn’t get such a nice gift).   This of course is not as easy since her taste has gotten a bit more expensive.  Sure, I would love to buy a Wii a donate it, but I just don’t have that kind of money to throw around.  Also, now she queries why Santa give less to poor children.

How do you do it?  How do you instill good values, teach about being good to others, teach understanding of economic issues, stay on budget, and still keep it so that it doesn’t completely destroy the magic?  I am open to suggestions.

LatteGirl was not much in the mood for eating and after querying her to what was wrong, she bemoaned the fact of how much she missed Poppie.  My mom gave her a hug, and while stating that she missed him too, that if LatteGirl wanted to know what Poppie would do or say to just look at me, since I was just like him.

While I don’t completely agree with that assesment, and still don’t believe I can hold a candle to my father, I don’t think there is a better compliment I could ever receive.

These first 8 years have gone entirely too fast, but I can’t help but be thrilled with what a wonderful young lady you have become. Happy Birthday Sweetheart!

Wenesday, LatteGirl had her first Piano Recital (which went off very well thank you very much).

Tonight, she is “testing” to try and move up to a yellow belt in Karate.

As part of her birthday present LatteGirl wanted her room done over, which is something TheWife has wanted to do for a while anyway, but just to add to the fun, TheWife scheduled that done this week as well.  (Please don’t even get me started with the fact that with this make-over things like Winnie the Pooh pictures are on the way out to make room for Hannah Montana posters)

Next week is LatteGirl’s  birthday, and dance recital in the same weekend.  She follows that with finals.  FINALS!?!  When they hell did they start having final exams in second grade???

Ah well… sleep is highly overrated anyway.

Now, to cover a couple of issues, I always see when the issue of allowance comes up. We GIVE her an allowance. We do not tie it to chores. Why? Because simply put, we do not provide her an “option” of whether or not she does the chores we ask of her. There is no, conversation like, “well if you don’t clean up your room, your not going to get your allowance.” which eventually (at least once) leads to the reply of “fine, keep you money” No. This is not acceptable, and hence we don’t connect them in such a way.

Now for those that argue, “Why should I pay them for breathing?” I can give you some other ways to look at it. First of course you can look at it as paying on installment the eventual therapy bills they will have as adults, and just consider this sort of a payment plan or savings account towards that. More seriously though, stop looking as it as paying them. Think of it in how much it can possibly save you. You are going to spend money on your kids anyway. This allows an easy to understand cap on some types of spending, as well as provides a way to teach financial responsibility.

We give LatteGirl $1 per week for every year. On other words she is 7 now, so she gets $7 per week, but after the end of the month when she turns 8 she will get a “cost of living” increase. With that money we have set up 3 banks for her and (approximately) a third goes in each. So right now, $2.50 goes towards her college fund (and gets put into her 529 plan every other month), $2.50 goes into her “saving up” fund. These are for larger toy purchases she wishes to make outside of what she gets for her birthday or Xmas. The final $2.50 is for her “instant gratification” fund that she can spend (almost) any way she wants. She wants to buy gum, a candy bar or to get something from the Ice Cream Man rather than the ice cream in the freezer? It all comes out of her money. She learns to balance the “I want” against, “is it worth it?” Yes, she has made a mistake or two along the way (but who hasn’t… I still make them), but by and large, these lessons have really seemed to sunk in.

Which brings me back to why I started this post. Perhaps, she is learning a bit too quickly (for me anyway). I have gone out of my way to avoid certain toys. Some are hard and fast rules that we do not allow (i.e. Bratz) but others are things that I am just sort of trying to stall on. One of those items is a Nintendo DS Lite. She has enjoyed the LeapFrog Leapster, and I get the bonus of not only is it entertaining her, but she is also learning something while she is playing it.

However, lately I noticed she has been a bit more frugal than usual (her only real expense this year was that she finally decided to get her ears pierced… but that is another post), and saving some of her “now” money with her long term. Upon inquiry I was informed that since Santa didn’t come across with the DS, and she already knows she is not getting one for her birthday (her request was for another addition to her American Girl Doll collection), that she was now saving to get one herself.  Between her allowance and a few dollars she got slipped to her from my mother (Aany money she gets in the manner gets split between her 529 Plan and her “long term” saving fund. Yes, we have this covered as well), but between her sources, she is already better than half way to her goal.  And of course, she was quick to point out, that since it is her money, she is entitled to do with it as she pleases since it does not break the “Bratz Rule.”

I am going to have to add an ammendment to these rules and find a way to give myself more veto power.  She is learning her way around these issues far quicker and easier than I ever imagined.  I never thought I would regret teaching her money management, but while I am thrilled that she has taken to learning this so well, I can see this coming back to bite me.

I think I am

Now, I guess I was stupidly hoping that when I saw this report that stated 1 in 4 teens have a sexually transmitted disease, that perhaps people would wake up and realize that “Just Say No” didn’t cut it for Nancy Reagan and the war on drugs, and it isn’t working for this either. I was hoping, but of course I should have known better. I should know that there are clowns out there like Wendy Wright over at “Concerned Women for America” (no I am not linking to the hypocritical group of activist women, that somehow believe women don’t belong doing the things that they are doing… like being activists maybe). Anyway, apparently Ms. Wright (I can’t even type that without laughing) decided that the reason for this is because there are actually some programs out there that don’t strictly teach abstinence. Good Gravy, when are these people going to get a clue.

I guess the “concerned women” couldn’t be bothered reading things in the story like:

Blame is most often placed on inadequate sex education, from parents and from schools focusing too much on abstinence-only programs.

or maybe

“This is pretty shocking,” said Dr. Elizabeth Alderman, an adolescent medicine specialist at Montefiore Medical Center’s Children’s Hospital in New York.

“To talk about abstinence is not a bad thing,” but teen girls — and boys too — need to be informed about how to protect themselves if they do have sex, Alderman said.

No, I guess that wouldn’t fit their agenda.  I just can’t help but wonder, if they aren’t concerned about young women and their health, just who are the Concerned Women for America really concerned about?

Yes, I realize I have wandered a bit, but it is these types of people that continue to defend the indefensible.  Of those girls that had contracted an STD in the study, the most prevalent was HPV!

Teens were tested for four infections: human papillomavirus, or HPV, which can cause cervical cancer and affected 18 percent of girls studied; chlamydia, which affected 4 percent; trichomoniasis, 2.5 percent; and genital herpes, 2 percent.

And this is the leading cause of cervical cancer, and 18% of the girls studied are infected?  I don’t like those “odds” at all.  Certainly not enough to take a flyer on my daughter’s health.  Sure, I HOPE she will save herself for marriage, and I HOPE that the man that she marries is ALSO saving himself, so that he can not give her the virus.  But you know what?  I am sure as hell not going to take a roll of the dice with her health and tell her that “Just Say No” is all she needs to know.  I will take any steps I can, and I will educate her for the steps that I can’t take for her, to give her the best chance possible.  To me, that is the only logical conclusion, and in my not so humble opinion, this studies shows that the odds are too great to play it any other way.

I don’t know where she picked up her need for “K” (although to confuse matters more, some know it by another terms starting with “C”) and how she got hooked.  None of the early warning signs were there, she continues to do well in school and her behavior hasn’t changed. I know all of her friends, as well as their parents.  They are all good people.  So where did this come from.  The only real clue  that something was wrong, was her eating habits.  She has always been a fussy eater, and getting her to try new things has always been a raging battle… until recently.  Suddenly she is willing to try some new things, and has expanded her food lineup, but things turn suddenly different when she doesn’t have her”fix” readily available.

I don’t even know where to turn.  They don’t have any programs for this (that I know of), and even if they did, I somehow doubt they would be equipped to deal with somebody so young.  TheWife has confronted her on the issue, and she continues to stubbornly deny even having a problem (and is even cavalier about her using).  I just don’t get it, how… How… HOW could my sweet little one be hooked on… Ketchup?

In all fairness, it is a promise I never should have made. While I like taking pictures, I am by no means a “photographer.” Add to that, I have had precious little time to learn and play with all the new capabilities that the new camera has, and it was a recipe for disaster. But this was of course, the last total lunar eclipse until 2010, so I figured I would give it a shot (so to speak).

Now the week before (actually only several days before) we had some unseasonably warm weather.  But of course this particular evening was not so kind, and of course, I found myself out of firewood for the chimenea.  So, I brewed a pot of coffee, bundled up, set up the tripod and had at it.

With no real “second chances” to do this again, I fired off about 100 shots, at various depths of field, and shutter speeds and ISOs until I found what I thought was the best balance.  From there, I would take each picture from that level, and then again with both up and down two steps from there.  (Thank goodness, an eclipse is not a fast moving event).  In the end, I came up with about 20 shots that I am satisfied with (10 of which have already been uploaded into flickr, such as the one in the right hand corner).  I was wishing at the time, that I had made a greater investment for a real SLR and lenses, but truth be told, until I master the basics a bit more, it probably would have been a waste.  A camera is only as good as the person working it, and I still have some learning to do.

With about an 80% “failure” rate, I was seriously wondering why they hell I went through all of that.  Until the next day.  As I was sorting through the pictures, and using Gimp to clean them up a bit (BTW, image processing, another area I have a LOT to learn.) LatteGirl came over and spotted the pictures.  She was thrilled.  She loved them all (even the less that great shots), and spent the better part of 10 minutes hugging me and thanking me for all the “great” pictures of the eclipse.  She even begged me to print out of couple so she could show them off at school.  Suddenly, I forgot how cold it was standing out there for several hours, or how little sleep I wound up getting before heading off to work the next day, or how disappointed I was with having so few decent shots to show for the effort.  Suddenly, it was all so worth it.

Finally we agreed to get her some lessons and see how she does.  She missed the first couple of lessons due to a trip, and going to see the Hannah Montana movie.  So, this past Sunday when she went for the first time, we were concerned that she would be behind, and figured if she was having trouble keeping up that we would just withdraw her from the class and start her up with the next class.

Imagine our surprise, when at the end of the first class, she was asked along with several older girls to remain behind for a “test.”  This test is to determine if you are ready to leave the Stage 1 group and move on to specialized lessons with a “coach.”  Imagine the even bigger suprise when she passed, received her certificate for completing the class, and was assigned her coach.

Both LatteGirl and TheWife were both beaming with joy when they came home to tell me the news.  On the back of her certificate was the name of her coach, “Svetlana.”  At first I didn’t understand, but she was absolutely thrilled that despite having not met her that this person would be her instructor.  When I asked her why it was so great that this particular person was to be her coach, she reminded me of the movie Go Figure, and how  champions are always trained by Russian coaches.  I was going to point out that it was only a movie, and that there are certainly good and bad coaches in all nationalities, but I figured for one day, let her enjoy it and keep her focus.  She was so proud of the fact that she did “good enough” that not only did she “graduate” but that they saw fit to give her a Russian coach.  I just didn’t have the heart to tell her it was probably more of the luck of the draw.  (And then again, who knows, maybe I am wrong. )  Anyway, she is loving it, and isn’t that the point?

We have clothes, dolls, I was one of the fortunate parents that was able to get tickets (at face value) for the concert, and  Santa Claus even came across with the Digital Blue 718 Disney Mix Stick Hannah Montan Mp3 Player (a compromise between me wanting her to have her own music player, and TheWife thinking she was too young for a “real” MP3 player).

Now of course, since our TV rarely leaves the Disney Channel, I of course knew that the Hannah Montana 3D movie was coming.  I was somewhat hoping (fine I was in denial) that since she went to the actual concert, she would not be interested in going to see the movie.  Of course this was NOT the case.  But fine I thought, it is just a movie.

What I didn’t anticipate (and did not see in the commercials until this past week) is that this movie is being release for “1 week only.”  Which in many of the theaters (at least around here) means they are only showing it 1 or 2 days.   Then TheWife informs me that tickets are $15!!!  $15 for a movie that is barely over an hour long!  But things don’t stop there.  No, since there are only a total of 6 shows over two days, the closest theater to us that is showing the movie is SOLD OUT!  TheWife was actually considering (before I found tickets at another theater) trying to buy tickets through a ticket broker.  Can you imagine this?  Scalping tickets to a movie?

Fortunately as I said, I was able to find tickets at another theater, because there was no way I was “paying up” for tickets to the movie.  So, TheWife and LatteGirl will get to see Hannah in 3D (Noooo, I’m not going… not at $15 per).  And I am left to ponder, is Disney out of their freakin’ minds?  Or am I?

TheWife:  Why?

LatteGirl:  That is the nursery now.

Insert sound of TheWife’s jaw hitting the floor.

Me on the other hand… well… I opted out. Not solely out of fear of another injury (but I will admit it was part… conditions, granular but icy, were just too similar for my comfort.  I may have even had a flashback as I stood there looking up at the mountain.), but also so I could play a supporting role in ensuring that LatteGirl and TheWife’s first trip skiing was a pleasant experience. So, I played pack mule, and arranger, and of course photograher, so all they had to worry about was enjoying themselves. And they did.
I have to admit, by the end of the day, part of me (the part that was fearful earlier) was regretting not getting up the nerve to get back on those skis. The part of me that was exhausted just from trying to ensure everything went right with this excursion however, was glad that I didn’t try to do all of the little things that I had to do and try to ski on top of it.

So how much fun did the two of them have?  Well, let me put it this way.  Next Monday, while I am at work, and they are enjoying a day off (Martin Luther King Jr. Day) they are planning to hit the slopes again without me.  I guess they don’t want me and my nerves dragging down their mood.  But who knows, as enthusiatic as they are about it right now, they just might be able to get me back on the slopes yet.

To make a short story long, back in January of 1986 was the last time I could be found on a pair of skis. On that day, conditions were a bit icy under some fresh snow. On that day, that fresh snow covered a sign that showed which path belonged to my green square, and which led down to the double diamonds. I had no business being on the slopes I wound up on. And to keep this story from getting too out of hand, I broke both ankles by the time I rolled back into the lodge.

The slopes never beckoned loud enough for me to ever think about it again.  (Insert wavy picture here as we return to modern day).  Now, TheWife and LatteGirl have decided that they would like to hit the slopes.  I had no real desire, though I agreed to tag along and have the Hot Chocolate ready for when they returned.  As LatteGirl pressed me on why I didn’t want to go, without going into details, I told her that I had a bad fall the last time I was skiing.

And that is when she hit me with it.  “You always tell me, that when you fall you have to dust yourself off, and get right back and do it again.”  No amount of “yeah but”s would deter her, and she pounded me with my own sage advise.  (Why yes, I did call my advise sage.  Full of myself?  Nah!)

So, now backed into a corner, 21 years later, quite a few pounds heavier, and no where near as good shape as I was then, I will once again find myself on a set of skis, since it was obvious that I had to put my money (or advise in this case) where my mouth is, and lead by example (even if I am “leading” by kicking and screaming that I don’t want to the whole way).

Perhaps I should leave somebody with the keys to the blog… you know… just in case.

And when all was said and done, she wondered what the big deal was all about.  We switched over from the Disney Channel’s Happy U Year celebration just a couple of minutes before midnight to bring in the New Year with Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve, as had been a tradition of both me and TheWife, even predating our marriage. It has been increasingly difficult to watch Dick since his stroke in 2004, and this year it was so bad, that the wife just let out a little moan of sadness at the sight.  It sort of took bit of wind out of the sails of the celebration, which of course, help confuse LatteGirl a bit more as to just why people go through this ritual.  We tried to explain it, but the words just sort of fell flat.  She was still happy she made it though.  And so was I.

Of course much of this was only a bit of background story by the next day as she prepared to go back to the Prudential Center once again, but this time to see Hannah Montana / Miley Cyrus and The Jonas Brothers.  Between Santa Claus, Mommy and Daddy, and some relatives, she was completely decked out in everything (except a blond wig) in Hannah Montana apparel.  Shirt, Denim Jacket, Jeans and even her purse sports the logo of the Disney Channel Pop Princess.  They arrived at the arena 3 hours before showtime (and an hour before the MileyWorld bus for the fan club showed up.  Not quite suprisingly, she was not the only one, as on my way to the office about 1/2 hour before that, I saw tweens and parents already milling around the train station area a couple of blocks away from the arena.

Needless to say the show was a big hit as Miley and the Jonas Brothers were “so on” (or so I was told).  The only disappointments (if you can call them that) was first at MileyWorld they had some sort of Karaoke setup for people to sing songs, but LatteGirl did not get picked (this is one of those instances, where I almost regret her being so polite and well mannered, she would raise her hand to show she wanted to sing, but was not jumping around, screaming and pushing like others were and she just really never had a shot to get picked) and the second “issue” was that LatteGirl refused to leave afterwards, as she tried to get a glimpse of Miley up close.  She did manage to spot the Jonas brothers and “they waved right at me.”  But Miley was apparently whisked away in a separate car.  LatteGirl simply would not accept it to be true until a security guard from the building confirmed that “Miley has left already,” before she finally resigned herself to the fact that she wasn’t going to see Miley.

Sunday was a get together with TheWife’s side of the family, where there were a few tense minutes when I heard about supposedly racy photos of Miley that were posted at PerezHilton.com.  Fearing another “Spears-like” scenario, I was quite releived to find out that this was more about somebody trying to make a big deal out of something that wasn’t, and I am only linking to it here so that other parents that may hear about it can actually see it for themselves so they are not panicked (as I was at first), because when you read the headlines, like at MSNBC that says, “Miley upset about leak of racy photos” you initially assume (or I did) that they were much worse than what they turned out to be.

And finally it was quite pathetic to hear read this story about a mother that admitted lying about her husband dying in Iraq in an essay to win Hannah Montana tickets.  This really has me all twisted up in side.  The promoters of the contest are considering pulling the tickets away.  At first, I thought “Good”  she deserves it.  And the mother really does.  However, I feel sorry for the six year old daughter who has now already been told that she won a makeover, a flight and tickets to the show.  How do you tell that poor little kid that, now you can’t go because your mom is a lying, manipulating sleezeball that won the prize under false pretenses?

Well, none of that fortunately actually affects us, and at least for now it is all Miley all the time around here.

Anyway, unless I happen to be going to a game with my sister and brother-in-law this is a trek I usually make alone. But when I opened my gift, I found 2 tickets. It turns out that LatteGirl has decided that she wants to go to a hockey game with dear old dad. Now it may sound silly to some, but you can’t imagine how happy this made me. I love hockey, and always imagined I would be able to share my passion for the sport with her. As the picture to the right (circa 2001) shows, I had been grooming her for this from the very beginning.

However, as she grew older, things changed. My little fan, who I was feeding at 1 am when the Devils beat the Dallas Stars in 2000, and cheered with me for every goal, and consoled me when the Devils lost to the Avalanche in 2001, was no longer interested in sports. She was a girly-girl more interested in dolls and princesses. The Red and White Devil’s jersey was no longer fashionable enough for her (hmmm… I wonder if they have a Devil’s Jersey in pink), and she would rather watch Raven or Zach and Cody or Hannah Montana than to even think about watching a hockey game any longer. It was not as if I was heartbroken or anything. I am not one of those fans that use “we” when talking about a team I am a fan of, as if I was actually part of it. But, I was sad that I wouldn’t have this to share with her.

So, knowing that, you can imagine what a warm feeling (understatement) it was when, as I had a confused look on my face when I found two tickets, she jumped up and declared that the other ticket was for her and that she was going to the game with me.

So tonight we will eat overpriced greasy junk food, snap some pictures (so that I have proof that this isn’t all just a dream), survey the landscape for tomorrow’s outing to find out where the MileyWorld bus will be set up before the concert (hey I gotta make some concessions here), and cheer on the Devils as they take on the Buffalo Sabres.

Regardless of the outcome of the game, tonight, at least for a night, I am the winner.

Now, thanks to unfortunate timing, we had the yard sale planned the same weekend TheWife’s step father passed away, and rather than rescheduling the sale, we donated all of the items we were going to sell to the local church that was going to be having a rummage sale. We promised LatteGirl some new toys as well as cash (the cash she got, the toys not quite yet). She was satisfied with the solution, but was clearly disappointed that she didn’t get to go through the motions of actually selling it.

So after that, I sort of expected her to re-tighten her grip on things, and did not expect to see much coming out this time through. This was purely for donation, and there was no cash incentive involved, though TheWife did sort of hint to her that Santa Claus might be a bit more generous if he new she had a place for all the new stuff. But still, like me she has tended to be a pack-rat, and I thought that would continue to hold.

Imagine my surprise when I started seeing bag after bag being placed out in the hallway for me to bring out to the car. I was just completely stunned. Toys of all shapes and sizes, books… some like some “board books” that we had been begging her for ages to get rid of to free up shelf space, Dora things, Blues Clues. Then the biggest shock of all, dolls. Not all of them. She still has her primary “family” of babies, but some of the ones that she never played with, went.

It was about half way through this process, while bringing out another bag, TheWife still in shock from how much they were finally able to agree on getting rid of announced in a quite sullen tone, “She has officially become a “tween” today.” The look of disdain on my face must have been quite clear as she continued, “I know, I know… don’t say it. Just accept it.”

And from the looks of her room, I guess it is true. Winnie The Pooh replaced by Hannah Montana. A draw full of assorted little baby blankets, and accessories to her “baby toys” replaced by nail polish, combs, brushes, head bands, and scrunchies. She offered to get rid of her Barbie Laptop, but only in exchange for a real one. She began exclaiming how many of her friends already have cell phones. And that she thinks needs a phone like a Pink Razor, not one of those “silly ones” like the Migo or the Firefly. (And for the record, NO! I can see no reason for ANY seven… fine… seven and a half year old to have a mobile phone).

I always wondered how people decide when their child becomes a “tween” Now I know. I don’t like it. I am not ready for this yet. I was (as I always seem to be) sure that I had more time before we hit this. But no, it seems to be here… like it or not.

For the past week though, I have been slowly trying to break it to her that it didn’t look like we were going to be able to see the show.  It is not easy to a child how the show is “there” but not “open.”  And trying to explain why the stage hands went on strike, and what a strike is.

Overall, I guess I had it easy.  I mean, the day they first went on strike, I watched on the news, and saw a woman being interviewed.  She had driven 4-1/2 hours that day up from Maryland with her two kids to see the show.  I can’t even imagine the stress that must have induced, both on the mother and the poor kids.  It was really heartbreaking.

At this point, I was really ready to give up, but just as I have for the last two weeks, before heading off to work, I stopped and checked to see what, if any updates there were on the strike, and saw that they finally came to an agreement and the strike is over.

I don’t know who was more excited.  Me, getting to tell my daughter that we would in fact be going to NYC to see the show this weekend, or her bouncing down the hallway to tell TheWife that we were in fact going again.  Her smile, radiated so brightly that I swear we no longer needed lights on in the house this morning.

So, we will now once again make plans for a trip into NY, try and find a place to dine that won’t bankrupt us, but still will be able to get into with this being tourist season and all.  It should be good and mobbed this weekend around Times Square, and it really makes me question my sanity at the time I purchased these tickets.  But, at the same time, LatteGirl’s smile this morning makes any of that aggravation all worth while.

(I will of course be reviewing the show, probably on Sunday).

But as it has become tradition, the three days following is TheWife’s time to get away from it all. Three days at a spa up in the Catskills of New York (are there other Catskills?), leaving me, LatteGirl and the two doggies. I thought keeping a child entertained would get easier as she got older. More able to entertain herself, and less of a need for Daddy for every activity. But with one small exception that does not seem to be the case around here. If anything, it has been the complete opposite. A few years ago, all I needed was a couple of coloring books, a Bear in the Big Blue House – Dance Party! DVD, and except for the possibility (OK, the it was highly likely) of having to rewind back to the beginning of the Bear Cha-Cha a couple of dozen times, I was usually good until lunchtime to get things done around the house.  That is apparently no longer the case.

We have been trying to keep LatteGirl more active and spending less time in front of the television.  Which is easy during soccer season, or when she has Karate or Dance lessons on Saturdays… of a normal two day weekend.  Now we have three days, and no organized activities.  She finished her homework in about an hour.  She spent another hour or so doing additional math and spelling work in some workbooks we picked up for her (she did this without prodding or coaxing, clearly proving she takes after somebody other than me).  She then declared she was bored, and needed some daddy time.

If it wasn’t for a holiday parade that her school marched in (and another mother took her to), I would have been in some serious trouble.  What did we manage to cram into three days?  Baking Cookies, Painting wooden crafts, we saw Enchanted, we saw Bee Movie, we went bowling, and we put up christmas decorations in the house.  Finally by Sunday afternoon she was finally ready to unwind a bit, and as we embarked on the Christmas decoration part of our weekend, we slowed our pace so that we could watch Frosty, Rudolph, Here comes Santa Claus, and of course Merry Christmas Charlie Brown.

I am so ready to go back to work and get some rest.

In some ways this actually has been a effective tool.  We rarely, have to chastise her about things we want her to do.  And even on those occasions that it is warranted, it takes little more than “reminding her” that she was expected to do something, or not do something.  But we never have to raise our voices.  In truth, we can’t.  It will only open up the flooding of tears as she beats herself up for not being “any good” or “stupid.”

I have been watching a few developing scenarios, and I have discovered something however that is bothering me.  It is starting to look like she is learning how to play us, using this technique.  If it is something that she only half-hearted wants to do (or has to do) such as homework or her keyboard lessons (which was HER choice by the way), then if she is corrected or instructed on anything, she just falls immediately into complete meltdown.

Now normally when she melts down, the only thing to do is to send her off to the sofa or her room to calm down, because there is no way to talk to her or get her to do anything when she reaches that state.  But, now in certain instances like I mentioned, she will melt down to a point where she knows I will say, “Let’s take a break” and she will, and she will recover from it far quicker than usual, and then want to participate in some other activity for her break… such as “Just watch Hanna Montana before we start again.”

I am not happy about this.  It feels wrong.  But at the same time, if try to force her to continue, she will most likely hit a real meltdown state anyway, and it will only increase the non-productive time.  I wish I could tell for sure which is which, and figure out a way to break this habit quickly.

This weekend she confiscated my Zune, and made it her own to listen and bop around the house.  I must admit, I enjoyed both the floor show as she danced about, and was more than happy that she got her fill of music, while I did not have to listen to  the High School Musical 2 soundtrack another thousand times this weekend.

Of course now this tempts me to let her just have the Zune, which would of course give me an excuse to get the new 80 GB Zune player which coincidentally just happens to have a release date a mere two days before my birthday.  That would be an excellent gift to myself I think.  Of course the wife just might hand my head to me if I did that.  And that could be a problem.  It is tough to make use of earbuds, when you head is missing.

First, there is the issue of the “Helicopter Parent.” This is a tough one for me because I straddle such a thin line. LatteGirl is always initially shy around new people, once she warms up she is fine, but she will rarely do it without encouragement and would tend to withdraw if not prompted. Secondly, she wants to much to be accomodating to others she will often wind up rather unhappy when certain kids (including her cousin) tend to take advantage of this “weakness” and boss her around. I don’t want to wind up being (or even appearing to be) a Helicopter Parent, so I have in the past, not exactly fed LatteGirl to the wolves, but I didn’t step in, where I think I probably should have in the past, because of this.

I have also made her be the “bigger person” when another child is rude or such, because it was not my place. This can be quite frustrating. Particularly with some of her friends, that apparently are children of parent’s that don’t seem to see anything their child does wrong, or give the “kids will be kids” explanation.

I still don’t want to be seen as what is (really) a Helicopter Parent, but I also no longer want it to prevent me from being my daughter’s best advocate. One question that goes along with this however. How do you deal with kids that have parent’s that won’t take charge of thier kids ever? For example, is it proper to ask another person’s child to stop screaming? Or to tell them to share? I’m not talking about scolding, but more about playing peacekeeper. What do you do, when it seems like it is always your child that has to make concessions, and “be understanding” with other kids, who apparently are raised by people that don’t have the same common courtesy?

The other issue, is “bragging.” I have read plenty of books, articles and even blogs of people that do a lot of complaining about how much parents talk about (or brag about) their kids. Yet, I know as for myself, and virtually if not every single blog I read, the parents while certainly proud of their kids, often keep it very subdued, if not downright humble. We tend to minimize everything. Or we decide it is “no big deal.” We keep conversations about our kids “short and sweet.” Yes, I know there are people on the other end of the spectrum, people who are sure that their kids are gifted and bound for greatness and already enrolled in the Albert Einstein Program for the Gifted by the time they are 6 months old. But that doesn’t mean I need to compensate by keeping the spotlight off my own daughter at all times.

So, now as he suggested, I am going to put an end to that. (And I of course invite you to do the same, either in comments or your own blog).

LatteGirl is incredibly bright. She is disappointed when she comes home with a less than perfect score on a test (even though we do not in any way put any pressure on her in that way. Matter of fact, we are usually having to tell her that nobody is perfect).

LatteGirl is a good sport. She is not necessarily good at all sports, but she enjoys playing just about anything. She is not the most athletic, her athsma often hampers her, but she gives it 110% always, and has fun while doing it.

LatteGirl is a sweetheart. She has compassion to spare for anybody, everybody, and every creature she encounters. She is friendly (when she gets past her intial shy stage), she will do anything she can to try and make somebody else feel happy, loved, and welcome. She doesn’t hate anybody, and in her 7 year old philosophy, there is nothing in this world that is so bad, that it can’t be fixed with a hug and a kiss.

Your turn.

More proof of this came this past week.  LatteGirl had expressed some interest all the way back to last year about being a goalie.  However, the fact that she was one of their best scorers kept her up front all year.  Things looked like they would head down the same path this year as she scored a goal in the first game.  This past week however, the goalie did not show up, and the coach allowed LatteGirl to be goalie.

When I first heard about this after the game I became quite annoyed as I couldn’t understand the logic.  Why would he take one of his best goal scorers and essentially take them away from scoring goals.  When I heard the score was 1-0, I continued with “See, this is what happens.”

But… They won.  In her first game in goal, LatteGirl had a shutout.  Now, I am quick to admit that a shutout in a 7 year old league is far more about luck and your teammates than it is about the goalie,  (Still… It took me almost 4 years of high school soccer before I got my first shutout.) but she still was thrilled.  And how could I not be thrilled for her?  So now I jokingly told TheWife that the coach has a “goalie controversy” on his hands.

She just looked at me… shook her head… and mumbled as she walked away, “THIS is exactly why you are not allowed to go to her games.”

Now, since we are all Kim Possible fans here, we are both excited about the marathon and sad at the same time.  The reasons for excitement are obvious of course.  But the sadness stretches in two directions.

The first of course being that at the end of the marathon is the series finale.  It felt like such a long hard battle that was waged to get the fouth season out of Disney, and suddenly it is here and already gone.  There are those that are striving to get a 5th season out of the folks at Disney, however according to rumors  on SaveDisneyShows.org, the creators of Kim Possible are leaving (or have left) Disney World.  So the chances of that happening are slim.

The second reason for sadness?  What brain trust a Disney runs a kids show from Noon to 6 am during the first week (at least around here) of back to school?  I mean do these people not have children?  Do they not know how hard it is to get kids back on a school friendly sleep schedule?  And even if it wasn’t… what KID is going to be watching this throughout the night?  Or are they hoping (as LatteGirl was) that I would just blow away everything on my Tivo in order to record every episode that would be missed?

Kim, I will miss you when you are gone, but just understand when bedtime comes around tonight, I am not going to be your biggest fan.

Well, today LatteGirl returns to school.  Yesterday she was of course lamenting the end of summer vacation as we were going through the checklist of back to school items to pack in her backpack.  So, as we were doing this she complained, “I can’t believe that summer is over already.  I mean, we didn’t even get to do anything yet.”

After retreiving my jaw back off the floor where is landed, I asked her to explain.  Now I should point out that last summer, she went to Day Camp 4 days a week, and Fridays she and TheWife would do something together (usually).  This year however, she requested to go to camp 5 days a week because she felt that she had missed out on so many things that her friends got to do on that day that she wasn’t there.  So, she felt that there were a lot more trips that should have been made.

That being said, this was a rather expensive and busy summer around here.  Since school got out we have made trips to Buskill Falls, Disney World, a couple of trips to the beach, Chestnut Grove Resort in the Poconos, Mountain Creek Waterpark and Six Flags Great Adventure (where we will also be returning this weekend as well).  She has visited Adventure Aquarium, Turtleback Zoo, and the Bronx Zoo.  With camp she has gone swimming at 4 different lakes, been ice skating, bowling, roller skating, and more.

Hell, as we slip into September, I am starting to regret the purchase of the new pool, because between feeling like we were always on our way somewhere, LatteGirl being “all swimmed out” from trips to the lake, and weather that kept the pool a little cooler than we had hoped most of the year, the amount of use pool saw this year was nominal.  I spent more time keeping the pool clean than anybody spent actually in the pool.

Now I know that when back to school time arrives, no kid is happy about it, and summer always is “too fast” and the knee jerk reaction is to say they did “nut in’” all summer.  But park of me is thinking, if she felt she was bored this year.  I better get a second job to start paying for next year, because what the heck are we going to do for an encore to try and improve on this summer?

Last Year, we enjoyed going to this place, but one of the few problems we had was LatteGirl and her being shy.  It was like she was attached to our hips the entire time.  She wasn’t interested in playing with or getting to know the other children at the resort, and we had to keep her “entertained” the entire time.

We were detemined to try and help her get past this when we went on vacation this year.  We planned, we schemed, we had everything all set and agreed upon so she couldn’t play one parent against the other.  We accounted for every possible scenario.  Or so we thought.  There was one situation we had not taken into consideration, and it took us by surprise.

As it turns out, she was ready to spread her wings and start embarking on her own adventures.  No prodding necessary.  As a matter of fact, we had to strain a bit to reign her in, as she started to show some signs that she was actually getting annoyed and felt we were “cramping her style” and wanted us to just “leave her be.”  I had to actually restrain (no not physically) and occupy TheWife at times to keep her from constantly “checking up” on LatteGirl.  TheWife wanted LatteGirl to find some friends and be more social, but she was not prepared for this and it showed.  (OK, full disclosure.  I am not sure I am(was) ready for this either, but I was certainly better prepared for what we encounted than TheWife was.)

Suddenly, the little girl that wanted us to play games with her, and swim with her, and had to have us within an arm’s reach, no longer cared to have us around.  She did crafts with one set of friends.  Played sports with another.  Karaoke made her one of the most popular kids on the resort as everybody wanted to borrow her High School Musical Karaoke Disc, and at the evening “dances” the only time she wanted to know we were there was when she needed something to drink.  Heck there was one evening when we were tired, and she told us we could go “home” (back to our room), and she would “see us later.”  No, we didn’t allow that… not at 7 (TheWife says not for a few more years, I say not for another 20 years)

So in the end as the old adage goes, be careful of what you wish for… you just might get it.  And if it involves your child growing up… you might get it far sooner than you hoped for.

First, we got her standardized test scores and were completely blown away.  (I would brag, if I actually believed they could really tell anything by standardized tests in the 1st grade.) And now this.

There is no way that this child is genetically related to me… it just can’t be.

Her: “I want to repeat the First Grade!”

Me:  “Why???”

Her: “Otherwise I can’t have my most favorite teacher again.”

Me: “But then you won’t have all your friends in your class any longer”

Her: “She’s worth it.”

Though carefully worded to avoid “false” claims, the advertisement was clearly misleading, as way the high flying picture that was shown.

But LatteGirl persisted.  She wanted them.  And to top it off she wanted to use the money that she had saved as part of her allowance that we allow her to spend “any way she wants” to do it.

I tried talking her out of it, I even tried explaining (though I suspect she wasn’t listening at this point) that not everything you see in an ad is exactly true.  But she continued on with the whole “I am supposed to be able to buy what I want if I save this money.”  So, rather than “forbidding” her from buying them, I opted to teach her a lesson in advertising and allowed her to make her own decision and purchase the shoes.

Fast forward a couple of weeks later the shoes arrive.  Huge Plastic Shoe Box sized “boots” with elastic bands that connect to a shoe that you strap to your feet.  She excitedly waited as I put them together, put them on her feet, and allowed her to jump.

Clunk… Clunk… Clunk.

She sounded like an elephant bounding around the deck.  Struggling to get any height out of this heavy plastic boots, and then having to strain to keep her balance as the bands wobbled back to a standstill.  They were (no surprise here) a great disappointment to her, and for me, even worse than I had imagined.  Your child binds themselves to these shoes with hard nylon velcro that is fairly secure.  Possibly too secure.  I could see if a fall happened the wrong way an ankle being broken in them.

She queried me as to why they “weren’t working” since the ad said she would get “50% more height in her jumps” and I pointed out that her jumps probably were 50% higher since she was starting about 5″ higher off the ground (the height of the shoe).  She said that wasn’t “fair” and that she felt like she was “lied to.”  Naturally, at that point I once again tried to explain to her that advertising is designed to sell a product, and that you have to really think about what they are saying.

So now I have a couple of plastic shoes sitting in my shed, which who knows if they will ever see the bottom of her feet again (I am doubting it), she is out $24 that she worked hard to save, and of course she is quite disappointed.

When I allowed her to buy them, I though it was a good lesson to teach her.  Now I just feel like an awful dad for not protecting her from the evils of marketing.  (But I guess, I will just have to hope that the lesson “took”)

I just don’t know how it could be! Didn’t I just take this photos yesterday?

Ah, naptime. You don’t know what you have, until it is gone.

Always far more cool than your average little one.

And seemingly growing up way to fast.

Happy Birthday Princess!

But (c’mon you had to have seen that coming from a mile away), isn’t there something that I can do to help her filter information?  Some way to get her to understand that sometimes… I’ll settle for sometimes here… that I do have some clue as to what I am talking about.  Oh, sure I know that by the time she is a teenager, I will be considered a closed minded, unable to understand the “modern world” idiot.  At least until she has a family of her own, and starts to discover that I am not as clueless as she thought.  That is the part of the circle of life that every parent understands… eventually.  That life is going to take the same pattern it did before, and that regardless of how hip and cool a parent you think you are, your child is going to show the same disdain for you through their teenage years as you did to your parents.  (Karmic payback I presume).  But that is supposed to be THEN, and NOT now.

Our latest foray into this world of diminishing parental knowledge deals with bugs.  When she was little, LatteGirl loved to look at bugs, collect bugs, and was rarely phased by a bee unless it was swirling around her.  Now however, the mere sight of a bug, or a bee being in the same acre of land as her, has her scurrying for the safety of indoors.

All attempts to allay her fears however are now met with contradictory “facts” as she has learned them from her friends.  “No Daddy, all spiders bite!  And then can kill you.  Because so-and-so’s big sister had a friend who went to school with the cousin of a girl that had to go to the hospital from a bite from a tiny spider.”  (And here I wonder why so many people forward the most ridiculous e-mail chain letters.  Now I see where this trend begins).

Now, she is a “princess” and I am not really all that startled that she would find some bugs “icky” and in the grand scheme of things, this really is probably not the worst issue I am going to face (or if it is, then I am probably the luckiest parent in the world (but I am just waiting for that whole Karma thing to kick in), but today it is bugs… who knows what other “facts” she will get soon.

Only thing is… it is rarely if ever for myself.  We have a frequent… shall we say disagreement between TheWife and I about the state and items in my wardrobe.  It generally centers around, the tattered state of my clothing, or things that I fight too hard to hold on to, that haven’t seen the light of “in style” for quite some time.  These disagreements usually end one of two ways.  Either, I win, with the final, “well if you don’t like it, then don’t wear it” which will send her off in a frustrated huff, or she will retaliate with the final trump card, “We will not be seen with you in public looking like that” which then necessitates a shopping trip.

But, that really only applies to me.  When I start to shop for my daughter, I am like the proverbial kid in the candy store.  I want to buy everything.  Now some of this is the slight benefit of having only one child, because I definitely could not afford to be like this with two (or more).  A simple task to buy a single item, never seems to work out that way.

Today is an excellent example.  I knew about a bathing suit that LatteGirl really wanted to get.  We had been pondering it, but it is a Disney exclusive, and really a bit too expensive at normal retain.  But it went on sale, and so I got the blessing by TheWife to go ahead and purchase it.  A single bathing suit.  Marked down from $24.95 to a much more respectable $12.95.  Great.

When I was done.  I had spent well in excess of $100.  Because, well since I am getting the bathing suit,  I should get her the matching terry pullover for when we go on vacation.  Oh, and here is the matching beach towel. Well I know she will like that.  Oh, Oh, and what about when we go to the beach?  Here are the matching water shoes.  And she is getting bigger now, and should be more responsible for her own stuff, so I can get this beach bag, so that she can carry her own water shoes and towel.  But she can’t wear her water shoes off of the sand, so I should get the flip flops too.  And on and on it goes.

And this isn’t the first (and probably won’t be the last) time I do it.  I feel powerless against the need to accessorize and buy all the matching items.  So long as it is for my little princess. 

I guess the shopper was always in there… It just took a little girl to bring it out of me.

When TheWife called me later, she informed me that LatteGirl has Fifth Disease.

She has WHAT?!?  Fisk Disease?

No, Fifth Disease?

Fist Disease?

No! “Fifth” as in after fourth.

What the Hell is Fifth Disease?

Well, as it turns out, Fifth Disease is really not a big deal.  It is a viral infection, and by the time the rash shows up that LatteGirl had, you are basically almost done with it already.

But what the hell kind of name for a little virus is “Fifth Disease?”  Sure it has some historical reference to “5 childhood Rashes” (one of which, “fourth desease” is not even known today as to what it really was), but honestly couldn’t they just rename it something a bit more benign?  If TheWife called and said, she had the “blotchy face virus” I don’t think my heart would have skipped a beat the way it did during our inital exchange.

Let me back up a moment.  Last year, a girl on the team that LatteGirl was playing fell while three or four kids were going after the ball, in the ensuing melee the girl got (quite accidentally kicked in the head).  Now the mother freaks out (she is not only a parent, but the coach of the other team), and starts screaming (and cursing) at LatteGirl’s coach about how mean and aggressive his players are. (LatteGirl was in no way involved in this incident).

[End Wavy Lines and flashback]

So back to present day, TheWife comments that we need to teach LatteGirl to “tone it down” and not go after the ball so aggressively.  When I ask why, she reminds me of what is now being called in the 6-8 year old league… “The Incident.”

My response to her was, you either teach her to be the one that does the kicking, or you relegate her to being the one kicked in the face by not playing seriously.

Her response?

“This is why you are not allowed to go to her games!  Are all  men just so ‘angry’ and play everything so seriously?”

So, I put it to you… Is it a “guy thing?”  Am I wrong to teach my daughter to play properly and up to her abilities (bearing in mind that I am doing nothing to “push” her, just guide what she is already doing, and showing her how to do what she is doing better)?  Should I be teaching her to “play down” to the other kids?

In this case, my daughter received a little yellow chick, dressed up in a bunny outfit, that quacks out “Here comes Peter Cottontail.”  I have been listening to this for the past hour now, and have been alternating dreaming of ways to make the chick meet an untimely end, and dreaming of finding a way for the person that gave it to her… meeting an untimely end.

I guess it is something of a cycle.  Before we had a child, my wife and I gave some gifts that in retrospect probably garnered similar feeling of disdain.  So for those that are child free, remember this, as it will ultimately come back to haunt you later.  For those that have kids.  Remember, it (probably) wasn’t just something done to torture you.  I said, “Probably!”

This weeks pick was a “classic” plucked from our own video Cabinet. Cinderella. It is one of the few movies that we still have on VHS, and for some reason we did not purchase when the DVD version came out in 2005. Actually, I should now correctly say, it was one of the few movies we owned on a VHS. It seems that, it had finally been played once too often and… SNAP! Cinderella went down into a tangled mess of broken tape.

Let me tell you… you would have thought that Cinderella herself was murdered. As LatteGirl fell into a weeping, hysterical lump on the floor. Assurances that the tape would be replaced, eventually enabled her to regain her composure, and we settled in with Cinderella II – Dreams Come True.

Now, to be perfectly honest, I was scared.  I understand why Disney does their limited time only releases, but as a parent I have to tell you… I don’t like it.   I guess because I wasn’t wise enough to buy a copy of the movie, not only before we had a child, but before we even started to consider it (let alone know whether it was a boy or girl), when I wanted to get a copy of the movie, I had to either wait until it was released again, or resort to eBay to find a copy (which I obviously did), and actually pay OVER retail to get a used copy of the movie.  So knowing that history, I was a bit nervous as I started to look for a new copy on DVD.  But I guess enough people had a similar thoughts and stocked up on the DVD so that unlike the VHS, the DVD is still available… in plenty of quantity, and even in some retail sites.

So, next week, Cinderella will be our movie of the week again, and without me having to shed a tear over how much it cost to replace.  I guess dreams can come true.

I mean she once she got over her initial fear of reading (which was more about fear of not reading “perfectly”) she has enjoyed reading, even things that are a bit tough for her. But she would tire with a story easily. She is just eating this up, and I have to force her to put it down to go to sleep.

These are great little “chapter books” that have far more story and detail than the basic children’s books we have had up until now, but not so hard or complicated as to confuse or cause a loss of interest.  I see a lot more Junie B in our future.

So, why the big secret?  I’m sure some of you have run across these books before, right?  If not, what is (or did) you child read once they started to get beyond the single chapter books?

The clouds made us miss most of the Total Eclipse, but we were able to enjoy a vast majority of watching the moon coming out of the earth’s shadow.  With new telescope set up on the front sidewalk, we got a few knowing smiles of parent and daughter sharing an experience together, combined with a couple of sideward glances, trying to figure out what the heck we were doing.

Sure, this will stay far better in my memory than it will in hers, but for now it was something we were both thrilled sharing with each other, and had a wonderful (if cold) time.

But still, it is a change.   Then add in uniforms (grumble, grumble) and the like, and I just wasn’t sure how she was going to adapt, and how much she would like it.  Now she has said she likes it, and since the uniform she wears most of the time is a dress, she is pretty much OK with that too (but still loves her “dress down” days so she can wear her “pretty clothes” to school).  Her grades have also been nothing short of stellar so far.  But, probably it being more me than her, I still was concerned.  Until this morning.

I get up at (to me) a rather dreadful, 4:30 in the morning.  After showering, I went back to get something out of the bedroom, and found that LatteGirl had relocated herself from her room to the master bedroom (an almost daily ritual).  But not only had she relocated herself, apparently in her pre-dawn stupor, had already dressed herself for school.  And when it is that automatic, I can only assume that she does in fact like it.

I consider myself blessed most days. I have a child that does not make a scene (most of the time) when she doesn’t get what she wants. She never behaves badly in public. She is polite, courteous and well mannered. It is a situation some parents only dream of having. However, underneath lies something more sinister. And unfortunately I probably have nobody blame but myself. Oh sure, it is possible that these behaviors would have come along anyway. But if I had not been such a sucker early on, perhaps she wouldn’t have mastered these techniques so quickly, or quite so well.

You see, her I guess you could call them survival instincts have taught her that tantrums never get her what she wants. It was something that TheWife and I stood firmly on from the offset, and it seemed to work out well for us. So, what she has apparently learned is the art of manipulation in a very passive aggressive nature. And worst of all, it is not always the lead it, so I have to watch out for falling into her little trap.

Most times when she doesn’t get what she wants, it starts in phases. The first phase is the semi-pleading stage. This is mild, and sort of a way to test to see if I am really saying “No” or if I am pulling one of those parent types No’s that come from just not wanting to give in to everything. So she will say, “but I really want it.” If this works (and it does on occasion). She is done. If not, it is on to phase 2.

The Negotiator. At this stage, she will see if she can bargain her way into getting her way. “What if I use my own money?” or “Can I have it if I …” This will sometimes also be backed up (for reinforcement) with the “because I really want it” (I presume to show sincerity).

Phase III (Or Phase I for things she already knows the previous methods won’t work on), is the passive aggressive, self-deprecating, pull on Daddy’s heart strings method. Here she give me the pout with her faux understanding and explanation where she will tell me what she wants followed immediately why she “already understands” why I will say no, even before I get the opportunity.

A perfect example of this happened last evening. She dragged her heals and played when I was trying to get her in the tub. She played in the tub, and on several occasions requested the magical “5 minutes more” to play. I relented, warning her each time that she was losing something else that evening (which is ME I guess, teaching her that the Negotiator strategy is a winner). The First time, it was “OK, but no more TV tonight.” The second was, “OK, but no snack-time” and finally it was, “OK, but you are getting out, but then it is right into bed.” Each agreed upon willingly and without question. That is until she finally got out of the tub.

It was then the game began. As she was getting dressed, she gave me the sad face, as she said, “I know I have to go right to bed, because that is what I agreed to. However, I wasn’t hungry then, and now I would like snack. But don’t worry about it, because I know I am not allowed to have one now.” {Big Sigh}

You’d think I was sending the child to bed without her supper. Perhaps she has watched Cinderella one too many times. It is a trick, that I have admittedly have probably subconsciously works many times by automatically giving in to such tricks in the past. “Oh, honey if you are hungry, of course you can have a snack before bed.”

Now I need to train myself to turn it off, to tune it out. Because while it is still mostly small things at this point, I know the day will all too soon be upon me where she is using it for much bigger things.

“Oh Daddy, I would really like to take the car to the mall, but I know it is ….” And I can’t still be weak when I get to that point, now can I. I won’t still be falling for these same little games will I? Or is it my little daughter, and will I cave forever to her passive aggressive will?

With miserable weather on the horizon for tommorrow, I will probably keep her home tomorrow again as well, just so she doesn’t relapse… again.  I just hope I can endure another day of this, especially if she is feeling better.

I can’t wait to get back into the office on Thursday, then maybe I can get some rest.

My latest little test on the nerves came Saturday Evening (or Sunday Morning depending on how you want to look at it).  After having some friends over for dinner that evening, I was settled down, trying to catch up on some Tivo’ed shows, as the rest of the house was asleep… Mostly.

As I am sitting there, I here little footsteps wandering down the stairs, and I see LatteGirl appear from the foyer.  “What’s wrong honey?” I ask, half expecting to hear about a bad dream or something that woke her up.  But all I got was a meak, “Nothing,” response, as she walked right by me, towards the dining room.  As she meandered by, she started removing her pajamas.  First the shirt, several steps later the pants, the panties made it almost to the bathroom door.  She proceeded to the bathroom, and I am just sort of watching this unfold.  I feel like I should be doing something, but not quite sure what.

She emerges from the bathroom, and starts through the dining room towards the living room again, but is not reversing the cycle of actually putting her clothes back on.  I finally chime in and ask, “Where are you going?”  She says, “I dunno,” completely expressionless and emotionless.  I lead her towards the sofa, and put her pajamas back on.  As I am doing so, I realize while her eyes are open, and she is at least somewhat responsive, she is basically asleep.

I get her pajamas back on, and get her back to bed, without incident.  But now I am freaked out a bit.  What if I hadn’t been awake and downstairs?  What if she just wandered out of the house?  A million scenarios.  As most parents will atest (I think… It couldn’t be just me… Could it?), when you have something that is even remotely scary happen, you play through seventy bajillion scenarios of how it could have turned out worse, or what else could have happened, and how do you account for each and everyone of those scenarios so that you feel you have dilligently “handled” the situation.

Thanks to nightmares and side effects from asthma medications (including nightmares), LatteGirl has never been a very good sleeper and often, very often gets up in the middle of the night.  But this is the first time she has done anything but simply move from her bedroom to the master bedroom.  So, now I am racking my brain in what the best way is to handle this.  Do I start sleeping in the living room?  Even if I do that, if I am asleep will I hear her?  Do I put back the “gates” that we had when she was a toddler so that she didn’t fall down the stairs?  Could she open them now?  Am I just overreacting? (Probably).

Just life, giving me another little test to see how much it will take to make me lose my mind.

It has been a dramatically warm winter this year in the North East. We have had very few days that have actually even reached freezing, and except for a weird rogue snow shower that passed through a week ago leaving a dusting, snow has been more than rare.

This of course is much to the dismay of LatteGirl who LOVES snow. She commented after that brief snow that left, that we had better get some “serious” snow soon, because she needs to go sledding. She went on to remind us that, “I’m not gonna be little forever. And when I get big, I will probably not want to go sledding anymore! So I need it to snow NOW, so I can get full use out of my sled. When I get big it is just gonna sit there downstairs until I have a little girl”

Now several things freaked me out there. One, that she is so aware of how things change when you get older, Two, that she is in fact growing up just too darn fast for my preferences, Three that she plans on having stuff stored in my basement until she has kids of her own, and Four… Well just the though of my baby having babies is enough to send any father into shock.

But, she does love her snow. This picture was… Oh Good Gravy, this was Three Years Ago! And I tell you I had to beg, plead and BRIBE her to come in out of the snow that day.

But the darn smile, the sheer joy she exhibits… well it almost makes it worth breaking my back shoveling and wish for snow. Almost.

So naturally, it seems only fitting that she should wind up getting sick just a week before Christmas. I saw it coming. She was having meltdown (usually a sign she is tired) way earlier than usual the past couple of days, and I knew it was only a matter of time.

Of course she is not sick enough to get an anti-biotic script yet. Oh, no. We need to wait until she is full blown miserable before we can get the doctor to write one. Well, with a little luck, maybe she can kick it before the week is out.

Yesterday, was game playing all morning, in the afternoon she had a play date with a couple of friends, which fortunately also game me a couple of hours of adult conversation. Once we were along again, she hung on me and “demanded” attention constantly. Any moment that she was left to her own devices, even if watching one of her movies, if I walked more than ten feet away, she reminded me (again) how much she is missing TheWife and feeling “lonely.” Is it a ploy? Of course it is. But I fall for it anyway.

9:30 AM, we are now off to go bowling, and we are going to my mother’s this afternoon, which will give me some time to breath, but also leaves me without an internet connection, etc. Aw well, I have a book I have been trying to finish for some time now… maybe, just maybe I will finish it off.

Now, we finally got to the bottom of part of it. It seems that one girl at summer camp that happen to be friends with some of the same people as LatteGirl, was a bit of a bully to her. She didn’t like my little angel and this girl did not have any problem letting LatteGirl know it. LatteGirl has not so far really encountered such a situation where a person she was willing to befriend, simply did not like her and there was nothing she could do about it.

After finally getting this information out during a discussion one day during vacation, she did warm up around some of the kids at the resort. So, I can only assume that her understanding that not everybody is going to like her (something she could only ask “Why?” to, but seemed to finally accept), put her a bit more at ease. But I fear the underlying problem continues.

Part of the problem I suppose is that outside of school/daycare she has very little interaction with other kids. This of course leads to the problem of Mommy and Daddy having to also fill the role of “friend” most of the time. Which leads to her depending and expecting Mommy and Daddy to play that role, plus it is one she knows and is comfortable with. So she shys away (at first) from others.

It is frustrating. It is a problem easily identified. It is a problem that is easy to find the root cause. But it is one that I am perplexed as to how to solve. I thought things like getting her involved in dance classes would help, since there were several girls that she already knew from Pre-K in the class, she built on her relationships with those girls and even with the recitals continued to hide.

Starting a new school in the fall may help a bit, but that of course depends on who or how many previous friends are in the same class. She will start dance classes again, but many of the same kids will be in that class, so I don’t know how much that will change anything. TheWife has tried to get her interested in a few other things such as gymnastics and soccer, but we have to contend one with the fact that she has expressed zero to less than zero interest and two we do not want to wind up making her one of those “overscheduled” children that are always running somewhere, but rarely excel at any one thing because they have their hands in too many things.

Do you have a shy child (or one that has broken out of their “shell”)? How do you deal with it?

What were we doing after dinner last night? Why swimming of course. And the only way I got her out was by promising to go swimming with her again this evening after dinner.

She is now a strong enough swimmer that I do not feel that I need to actually be in the pool with her every second any longer (after refilling my Xanax several times — kidding… I kidding… sort of). In some ways it is great, in that now I can stay poolside and take some snapshots, or just relax a little as she swims. Of course this is just another thing in a long list of things that I am no longer needed for, as lifeguard status is all I NEED to do. Fortunately though, she still WANTS me in there playing with her most of the time. It is good to feel wanted especially when you are no longer needed.

It is only now that I can laugh at how panicked we were when TheWife went back to work. We were distraught with the though of our child spending so much time with others and not enough parent time. We worried about the spread of germs, and whether she would fit it, etc. All the typical worries of a caring parent starting to put their child in a daycare program. We were hypercritical of some things and demanded the best for our daughter. And in reality, we got it. We had (for the most part, there were several little problems, but I am speaking of the program in general), incredible good luck with caring teachers that not only did a great job of taking care of our daughter, but that she liked being around as well. When she was in the “2s Room” (she was already three but had not graduated to the “Pre-K 3s”), one of her teachers left for another teaching job. She was inconsolable for several days, as she cryed over the loss of the teacher. Nothing we could say made it better, until she latched onto the new teacher, whom she wound up liking “even more.”

Then to move onto a program that has several teachers that do not even speak english all that well (which I am sorry, is important when you need to speak to English speaking children… and their parents), is not particularly well kept (it is more an “old” thing… and need of a paint job than anything else, it just LOOKS dirty, it really isn’t, but the faded paint, poor lighting, etc just make it… feel dingy).

This had us so upset, the decision was made that TheWife would switch to part time employment, so that LatteGirl never had to spend more than two days a week there, and then as little time as possible. On the two days a week I pick her up, I rush to get there as early as possible, so she is spending no more than two hours there after school on those days.

But now, after nearly six months I have come to some conclusions, including one that we once again over reacted. She really enjoys the couple of hours she spends there, has several new friends and gets along well with the teachers. I get along as well with most of the teachers, although admittedly I am still a bit frustrated with 1 that speaks with such an awful accent, it takes a minimum of three attempts from her before I can gather enough fragments together to figure out what she is trying to say. What drew me to this startling revelation? Well fortunately for me (and more UNfortunately for her and her daughter), the recent problems that have besieged Miss Zoot and NikkiZ with there daycare have make me put into perspective how good I really have it.

I tell you it was was weird. I now know what my wife went through on the first day of school back in September. Watching my little baby girl wave good-bye to me, line up with her classmates, and head off into “big girl school.” It was all I could do to keep myself from crying.

I can be such a wimp sometimes.

We were spoiled I guess. The Pre-K program that she was in before she started school this fall was simply wonderful. No better than that. It was nothing short of spectacular! The teachers were nice and caring, everything was clean and well tended to. Alas, they do not offer an after school program. So the new place is closer to home, less expensive, and she only has to go there for a couple of hours twice a week. She likes her friends there, but it is still a far cry short of her old school. That plus I just wish I could be there to pick her up after school.

She is after all, my little princess.

Well I guess she is now starting to get into her comfort zone, as the desire for activities has greatly increased. This weekend though she has also started dance classes again. She always loved them when she took them in her Pre-K school. She took off with a bang. Because she started so late, the first recital is not all that far in the future, but she caught on so well on the first day, her instructor said she felt she could be caught up to the other kids and be in the recital. Can you say PROUD?

Now we have not completely gotten away from Mommy and Daddy being involved in her activities (not that we would want to), but she has reaffirmed her desire to take ice skating lessons, so her and Mommy are going to do that. She also has a blast bowling, so Daddy will be taking her to the lanes every other week (off weeks for ice skating), to knock down pins for a couple of hours.

I am so happy that she is building up her confidence, and I am sure as she continues these activities she will break out even more. I just hope that we will be able to keep up with her when that happens.