Teaching her too well?

Posted on May 7, 2008 · 2 Comments

I could have sworn, I had talked about this before, but for the life of me, cannot find it in my archives. Oh, well… to summarize quickly… One thing we did very early with LatteGirl is start her on an allowance.

Now, to cover a couple of issues, I always see when the issue of allowance comes up. We GIVE her an allowance. We do not tie it to chores. Why? Because simply put, we do not provide her an “option” of whether or not she does the chores we ask of her. There is no, conversation like, “well if you don’t clean up your room, your not going to get your allowance.” which eventually (at least once) leads to the reply of “fine, keep you money” No. This is not acceptable, and hence we don’t connect them in such a way.

Now for those that argue, “Why should I pay them for breathing?” I can give you some other ways to look at it. First of course you can look at it as paying on installment the eventual therapy bills they will have as adults, and just consider this sort of a payment plan or savings account towards that. More seriously though, stop looking as it as paying them. Think of it in how much it can possibly save you. You are going to spend money on your kids anyway. This allows an easy to understand cap on some types of spending, as well as provides a way to teach financial responsibility.

We give LatteGirl $1 per week for every year. On other words she is 7 now, so she gets $7 per week, but after the end of the month when she turns 8 she will get a “cost of living” increase. With that money we have set up 3 banks for her and (approximately) a third goes in each. So right now, $2.50 goes towards her college fund (and gets put into her 529 plan every other month), $2.50 goes into her “saving up” fund. These are for larger toy purchases she wishes to make outside of what she gets for her birthday or Xmas. The final $2.50 is for her “instant gratification” fund that she can spend (almost) any way she wants. She wants to buy gum, a candy bar or to get something from the Ice Cream Man rather than the ice cream in the freezer? It all comes out of her money. She learns to balance the “I want” against, “is it worth it?” Yes, she has made a mistake or two along the way (but who hasn’t… I still make them), but by and large, these lessons have really seemed to sunk in.

Which brings me back to why I started this post. Perhaps, she is learning a bit too quickly (for me anyway). I have gone out of my way to avoid certain toys. Some are hard and fast rules that we do not allow (i.e. Bratz) but others are things that I am just sort of trying to stall on. One of those items is a Nintendo DS Lite. She has enjoyed the LeapFrog Leapster, and I get the bonus of not only is it entertaining her, but she is also learning something while she is playing it.

However, lately I noticed she has been a bit more frugal than usual (her only real expense this year was that she finally decided to get her ears pierced… but that is another post), and saving some of her “now” money with her long term. Upon inquiry I was informed that since Santa didn’t come across with the DS, and she already knows she is not getting one for her birthday (her request was for another addition to her American Girl Doll collection), that she was now saving to get one herself.  Between her allowance and a few dollars she got slipped to her from my mother (Aany money she gets in the manner gets split between her 529 Plan and her “long term” saving fund. Yes, we have this covered as well), but between her sources, she is already better than half way to her goal.  And of course, she was quick to point out, that since it is her money, she is entitled to do with it as she pleases since it does not break the “Bratz Rule.”

I am going to have to add an ammendment to these rules and find a way to give myself more veto power.  She is learning her way around these issues far quicker and easier than I ever imagined.  I never thought I would regret teaching her money management, but while I am thrilled that she has taken to learning this so well, I can see this coming back to bite me.

I think I am

Filed Under: Better Home, House and Home, Kid Quotes, My Princess, Proud Parent

Just Because… OK?

Posted on April 21, 2008 · 6 Comments

I’ve been stewing on this one a while, and while I have made mention of it before, it was always just more of an afterthought; but after encountering it yet again this past weekend, I think I have finally had enough.  By now I am sure most of you (well all three of you), are saying “get to the point” so I will.  Why is it that “everybody” (especially it seems older people, and for some reason very religious people) seem to have this particularly invasive idea that they have the right (or almost responsibility) to inquire about your reproductive plans?  Oh, and if that isn’t enough, then they are going to judge you on it based on what they have determined is the “right” thing.

When TheWife and I were first married, it was the constant (and somewhat typical) question of “when are you going to start a family?”  The fact that we waited 6 years was almost unconscionable to some people and family members.  I won’t even get into what my poor sister has to go through since she and her husband have opted to not have children.  For these people, can I just point out that people actually get married for reasons other than to start pushing out children.

Of course, fortunately the reason that we did not have a child right away was because of choice.  I know (both in real life, and many others that I have come to know through blogging) that haven’t because of medical problem.  This of course serves to act as a big slap in the face, and can (and usually does) open some painful emotions in people struggling to have a child, when these reproductive nazis…er… well intended individuals, come along and decide to poke their noses in and demanding answers.

Lately, the new question has come up about when are we going to have another child (now with the extra bonus of them reminding me that I am not getting any younger). The incredulous looks and shocked to downright snarky replies we get when we say we are done with one is a sight to behold.  You would think that I had just put an end to the chances of the human race’s chance of survival.  Then they begin the prodding, because they all need to know the “real” reason.  Is it physical problems?  Is there something wrong with LatteGirl that makes of afraid of another child?  Is it money? (because apparently when you have enough kids, you can live on love) Wouldn’t it be easier to have more if TheWife didn’t work?  (That one of course is insulting on assorted levels and goes into other issues I am not going to touch now)  They just cannot accept that this was the choice we made.  I had somewhat jokingly come up with the response of “We can only afford to raise and spoil one properly” just to try and head off the amount of time I would have to deal with their probing questions.   But to be honest, I am tired of using it as an answer, because I see no reason that I should feel compelled to answer.

The answer is “Just Because” and I am done with it.  LatteGirl is quite well adjusted thank you, and I know plenty of other only children at various stages of life to know that being an only child does not guarantee that they will not know how function in society as you seem to like to claim.  While I like to use the term, somewhat loosely “spoiled” she certainly isn’t.  She knows and has boundaries, she can play well with others, and is able to wait her turn, and doesn’t expect to always be first, just because that is “what she has always known” without competition from siblings.  I don’t question your choice to have more than one child, even if it means going beyond your financial means  (well, except for you Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar!!  17 kids?  WTF is wrong with you people?) .

While I am busy annoying people today, let us take a side rant here.  Why is it that people are against the use of condoms, or birth control because it “messes up” some divine plan, and that if “god” (or your personal choice of term) sees fit to bless you with a child, you should not “interfere” with this plan… but yet these same people seem to have absolutely no problem with fertility clinics and drugs that attempt to help in difficult situations (just to be clear, I do not have a problem with EITHER situation, I just don’t understand why messing with “the plan” is OK when you want to have a child, but not when you don’t).  Simiarly confusing to me is why there is nobody protesting, bombing or trying to shame men that go to a place that offers a vasectomy.  Doesn’t that mess with “the plan” as well?

What does this little side rant have to do with anything?  Well, it really all ties up quite nicely in the end… Stay the hell out of our choices.  My wife and I will choose what is best for us.  And the only reason I will give from now on is “Just Because!”

Filed Under: House and Home, My So Called Life, Rantings

I would really like to know

Posted on February 25, 2008 · 6 Comments

What is it going to take to stop people from packing a supermarket the day before a snowstorm, and shopping like they are going to be homebound until spring?  Does everybody just happen to need bread and milk the day before a storm?

Look if you happen to live in one of those places where the “corner store” is “follow this road five miles, make a left where old man Fogarty’s barn used to be, and head down the mountain,”  well then maybe you have some justification.  Or, of course if you are say advanced in years, where the thought walking on snow and/or ice instills visions of broken hips and nursing homes, well maybe you should prepare to be inside a bit longer.  I even understand everybody running to Blockbuster, because of the potential of kids at home for a snow day, and needed something to keep them occupied.

Other than that, honestly people, what are you thinking?  That the horse drawn carriage isn’t going to be able to get Bessie’s milk to the market? That old Mrs. Pumpernickel won’t be able to find enough fire wood to bake some bread?   Just why is it that this insane habit continues today?

Filed Under: House and Home, My So Called Life, Rantings, Stupid People Tricks, WTF Moments

That time of the year

Posted on January 29, 2008 · 2 Comments

I have always suffered from what is commonly known as Seasonal Affective Disorder (or S.A.D.)  In simple terms it is a form of depression that is basically believed to be brought on by a lack of sunlight, and a corresponding lack of serotonin.  In itself, it is a difficult thing to deal with, but the seeming lack of acknowledgment of its existence from far too many healthcare professionals makes it at time downright maddening.

But this isn’t about me.  I know I have it, I have my coping mechanisms, and when they don’t work, I now have people that I can go to that can help.  The reason I bring this up is more about the kids.  When I was young, S.A.D. wasn’t even a diagnosis that would come into play (at the time it was strictly considered a condition for places much closer to the Artic regions where sunlight becomes even more scarce or downright non-existant in the winter).  But just as bad, it is still overlooked often today.

As adults, we have more of a tendency to “know” when we are out of sorts and when we just don’t feel quite right.  Not necessarily always, but we do tend to know when something is at least out of the ordinary.  Kids do not have this mechanism (or perhaps experience) to recognize this or at least how to verbalize it.

Kidshealth.org has an excellent article which includes some things to look for in your child (this includes teens as well) and to be aware of.   These symptoms include:

  • Changes in mood during winter months (admittedly, this can be a difficult one to recognize in teenagers, as their moods change often)
  • Lack of enjoyment in activities that the child normally likes doing
  • A lack of energy or unusual tiredness or fatigue
  • Changes in eating habits (often associated with lots of simple carbs, and sugary “comfort foods”)
  • Difficulty in concentrating  (Does your child tend to do better in the beginning and end of the year, but not so much so in the mid-year?)
  • Less time socializing

This isn’t a checklist.  A child suffering from SAD doesn’t need to display all of these symptoms, nor do they need to obvious.  The changes can just as easily be subtle (depending of course on how severe the case is).  It may not simply be a case of “the blues.”

Filed Under: Health and Safety, House and Home

Puppy Love

Posted on December 8, 2007 · 2 Comments

Sweet StuffAs you may have noticed (or perhaps not), my blogging hasn’t been quite regular. That was because we got quite a scare this past week, when our dog Sweetie got quite ill.

So, as to not create any unintended drama, I will say here that she is going to be just fine and is already well on her way to recovery. But, earlier in the week we were not quite so sure. It was odd at first, she wasn’t really showing any symptoms, but she refused to eat. She has done this before, so the first day, we didn’t worry that much about it, but on day 2, we began to get concerned. One day she would skip, but never too, and she was beginning to act a bit lethargic. We tried everything we could to get her to eat, something… anything. Dry food, wet food, treats, and I even went to the store and got some cheese. Nothing. Not a bite. She was still drinking, and would pop up with her usual vigor to go outside so we figured we would just call the vet the next day.  That nigh though, I new something still seemed not quite right, and she was asking to go outside frequently, so I decided to stay and sleep down in the living room.  Well try to sleep, as she continued to get me up almost exactly every 1/2 hour.  Then one time, I didn’t quite get to the door to let her out fast enough.  Blood.  Now I was panicked.

Off to the vet, and it still took a good 24 hours for a diagnosis, which sort of had us preparing for the worst.  She is 10 years old, and has never been the best health specimen in the world.   Through this and up through that first day at the vet LatteGirl was stoic and strong.  But she had assumed that Sweetie would be home from the vet when she got home from school.  She didn’t think much about it through dinner and getting her homework done.  Then she announced she was going to spend some time with Sweetie.  I pointed out that Sweetie was still at the vet, and a meltdown of epic proportions ensued.  She made TheWife stop on the way home from school the next day at the vet to visit Sweetie, but while that helped a bit, as she got tired, she once again melted down that night screaming how she wanted Sweetie home.

Like I said, fortunately this time, we have a happy ending.  Sweetie is back home, and LatteGirl is thrilled.  But I learned some interesting and valuable lessons through this ordeal.  I was reminded that despite her seeming to be 7 going on 21, that LatteGirl is still just child, and that meltdowns are still a way of life at times.  I was reminded, that we have had Sweetie here for LateGirl’s entire life, and she doesn’t know life without her.  When we got our Basset Hound earlier this year, part of the logic TheWife used on me was that Sweetie is not getting any younger, and that having another dog would (hopefully and theoretically) ease that pain a bit rather than having an “empty” home.  I am really starting to doubt that logic.

Another thing I learned is that co-workers can really lack understanding and compassion at times.  Now, I should already know this being a parent.  I work with a lot of young people, many single, and those that aren’t are…um… shall I say chauvinistic?   They have already shown me that they don’t “get” a father that does and “has to be home” for a child as much as I do.  When I say on a particular day I have to be home for LatteGirl, I have heard stupid comments like, “Oh, I didn’t know you were divorced.”  When I say I am not, I will inevitably get asked, “So then where is your wife?”  Thus is the mental capacity of the majority of people I work with on a daily basis.  So, I guess I should not be surprised, when I talk about being up all night with Sweetie or how the vet bill was going to run nearly a thousand dollars, they ask, “why would you do that?  It is just a dog.”  Very little short of the previously mentioned chauvinistic attitude really annoys me more than this.  And this is not tied to male or female.  I guess it is more like pet owner versus non pet owners.  I guess, unless you have lived with a pet for a number of years, you just can’t “get” that this animal is just about every bit as important a family member as anybody else.  I am sure those of you who have pets know exactly what I am talking about.  Those who don’t, well I am sure some of you understand.  For those that don’t… that’s fine… just try and understand it a little from the owners point of view.  This animal is a familiar creature in a person’s life, and losing it will emotionally hurt, so have a bit of compassion.  Because if you don’t, like one person in my office did, if you suggest to, “just throw it out and get a new one.”  You will hear (as he did), so really unpleasant things being said to you (at the very least).

The other thing I learned, is that it is not as stupid as some people think to get pet health insurance.  We use VPI Pet Insurance, but only because they were the first one we found. (Please note that this is not a paid link in any way shape or form, I linked it for your convenience)  There are more providers now, but we have just stuck with what we started.  But as I pointed out, this couple of days in the “hospital” plus medication, prescriptions, etc would run us darn near a thousand dollars.  We will be paying considerably less, thanks to having the insurance.  Much like your own health insurance, it may almost seem wasteful to spend what they charge these days for insurance.  That is, until something happens and you need to pay the bill without it.  I will tell you first hand it is worth it.

So, now we can resume our regular, insane rush to get everything for the holidays with full cheer ahead.

Filed Under: House and Home, My So Called Life
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