A Decade of My Princess

It was May 30th, 2000 when you burst onto the scene.    Game 1 of the Stanley Cup Finals that night would pit the New Jersey Devils against the defending Stanley Cup champion Dallas Stars (a series the Devils would win in 6 games, a fitting tribute to your entry into the world).

At that time, the world still seemed much more secure than it does today.  I fully expected Vice President Al Gore to become the next President of the United States.

We were still just getting over the fact that all the fears of Y2K disasters, and tales of doom and gloom were not going to happen.

Only a month before the biggest news around was Elián González and the SWAT team that came in to take him back to his father, and his return to Cuba.

So much has changed in the world since then.  But it pales in comparison to how much you have changed and grown.  Perhaps that is why the time has seemingly slipped by me.  I have been so busy watching you grow and change into the smart, beautiful little woman that you are today that I didn’t notice the time going by.

Hence, I ask that you forgive me for still considering you my “baby.”  Because to me it seems like only yesterday that you were just that helpless little baby, and yet that is clearly not the case.

Many milestones have passed.  But they seemed to be coming faster and faster as time goes by.   I can still remember your “graduation” from Pre-School, and now you are finishing the fourth grade.

It doesn’t seem all that long ago that you were learning to walk without holding on to something, but now I am watching you do Salcow’s, Lutz’s, Toe Loops and other jumps and moves on Figure Skates.    It seems at times like this, that I am no longer teaching you as much as you are teaching me.

And it is true.  I don’t feel so much that I need to teach you, or even tell you right from wrong most days.  You steer yourself quite well, and all I seem to need to do is provide some guidance and support so that you can be all that you wish to be.

Your demeanor, your charm, your smile are all so disarming to most that you get along with (virtually) everyone, and makes you a pleasure to be around.  I can’t believe that 10 years have gone by, but with all that you have accomplished, and with all you the potential you have, as much as I lament 10 years being gone, I love watching you soar to new heights on a regular basis, and I can hardly wait to see what the next 10 brings.  Happy Birthday to my Princess.

Memorial Day IS (and isn’t)

This weekend is Memorial Day in the U.S. as most (if not all) of you know.  When I was a kid, this was (next to Xmas) one of my favorite holidays.  I helped my dad several times build floats for the Memorial Day Parade, I went with him on the Sunday two weeks  before to help raise money for Disabled American Veterans, and on the Sunday before to decorate the graves of fallen soldiers with American Flags.  I’d help sell (well at least I thought I was helping) Poppies.   I’d run and collect .30-06 shells from the rifles used for the 21 gun salute and several times I got to march with him and his War Veterans Post in the Memorial Day Parade.

But I must admit, it has been a long time since I have really enjoyed the holiday.  People talk about Xmas losing its “meaning” (don’t get me started on that one), but I don’t know if any holiday has lost more of its true meaning than Memorial Day.

What is Memorial Day?  Memorial Day (originally Decoration Day) is a day set aside to Honor and commemorate those that lost their lives defending this country in a time of war.

Now I am not saying that people need to sit around and mourn or be solemn on this day.  I actually think and like the traditions of Barbecues and festivities that often take place.  Think of it as a giant Irish Wake to celebrate the lives of these brave men and women that have given their lives.

What Memorial Day ISN’T.

It isn’t JUST the “unofficial start of summer.”  While you are enjoying those burgers and cold drinks, don’t forget to remember those people that gave their lives so that you could enjoy those things.

Just as importantly (though some may not realize they are doing this), Memorial Day is most definitely NOT a day to use the military as your political pawn.  It is not a day to try and tell people how much more patriotic you are than somebody else.

It is not a day to make a statement about policies you would like to see enacted (or repealed).

Using these brave souls as a tool on this day is a disgrace to their memories… but yes, you do have a right to do it if you want, thanks at least in part to their sacrifices.

Remember those that have died in defending our country.

Celebrate in their honor.

Thank those living that continue to carry on those missions.

Leave the rhetoric until Tuesday… don’t worry, it isn’t going anywhere.

Mobile Phones for Kids and Snooty People’s Opinions

I know that seems like an odd combination, but please try and bear with me.  I had initially planned on writing about my experiences with attempting to put together a trampoline, but that will have to wait as I have a thorn in my paw.

It was really a fairly innocuous tweet from Lucretia M Pruitt (@LucretiaPruitt on Twitter), that really got me started again… but I really guess I should start with a little back story first, so insert the wavy screen filter and dreamy music as I bring you back a couple of years ago.

Here we are, circa 2007 or so.  My daughter whining about wanting a cell phone.  After all, “all her friends had them,” and she wanted one too.  It was also a time when you couldn’t open a newspaper without hearing stories about kids texting in class, and schools banning cell phone, and other such stuff.  I was honestly confused at the time.  Why were parents buying kids cell phones at such young ages?  I wasn’t indignant about it (more on that in a minute), but just couldn’t see the rationality of it.  Then slowly people started giving some rally valid points.  Kids in more than one place at more than one activity, was one of the first that really resonated with me.  But surely I didn’t have that issue since I only had one to worry about.  Some pointed out the GPS feature in case of a child being abducted, but that to me was more about marketing attempting to scare folks into buying a phone, because more than likely that phone would get tossed by the abductor.

Fast forward to 2009, and my daughter would be finishing her ice skating camp approximately 1/2 before anybody could get there to pick her up.  Now there was plenty of things to do and to keep her occupied for that half hour.  But there was something missing.  Something that didn’t fit in with our “in case of emergency plan” of making sure she had change to call one of us should the need arise.  That problem… there was no pay phone.  Look around.  There aren’t many left, and even fewer that actually function.

We thought about it… not for very long, and I went out and picked her up a Pre-paid mobile phone.  I sat down with my princess and explained the rules to her.  I explained the charges, and what limits she had to abide by.  A year later, she has followed those rules quite well… and it has worked out that we feel quite comforted that she can get in contact with us at any time in case of emergency. (Quick Pimp… This is what lead me to review the new Kin Phones from Microsoft, which I have done on my new Review Blog)

So now, we are considering the next step, and that is giving her a better phone.  Back in 2007, I was dead set against this, but in reality, it was trying to keep her little, and not acknowledging that times are different.  Markedly so.  There isn’t a pay phone everywhere.  And (provided you set down the rules and they listen to them), it teaches responsibility as an added bonus.  So really, it really is a great thing all the way around.

Now, I am a rather opinionated fellow (hey… I heard that).  Of this I do not and cannot argue (oddly enough).  Certainly, Lucretia and I have disagreed on things before (aha… you thought I forgot that I had mentioned her earlier didn’t you?).  But disagree doesn’t mean anything but the fact that we have varying view points at times.  What got me started on this was her Tweet that went:

You can curse me all you like. We got the kidlet her own cell for emergencies. Tired of loaning her my ‘droid

Curse you?  For giving a kid a cell for emergencies?  WTF.  And as is not uncommon, somebody else stated (better than I ever could) what was on my mind (in this case it was BusyMom)

@LucretiaPruitt Ya know? A phone is just a tool, not sure when it became some sign of parenting superiority. Don’t even start me…

There it was, something that has been bugging the ever living hell out of me lately.  Snooty, who the hell they think they are people with some sort of superiority complex.  There are some places, that it is just as equally inappropriate, but more expected, like in political conversations… but in parenting?? If you are a parent presently… then guess what… you are still going through on the job training, and that job isn’t done yet.  You haven’t graduated.  You do not have a “proven method” regardless of how well Muffy and Chad are doing at the Academy of Really big Important Sounding Name School that I use to show how great my kids are and rattle off to get adoration and hear sounds of jealousy from others.  You not not done.  So please, stop and think for a minute before you open your mouth.  Consider for a second that somebody else’s situation may be different than yours.  Consider the oh so slim possibility, that you may not be correct.  Shocking, I know.  But it is possible.  So just climb down off that high horse.  This doesn’t just apply to cell phones, or any one particular issue, but your overbearing, unwanted “edict” of trying to rein down your superior knowledge.  If you are still parent… your job is not done yet… and that means, you still do not have all the answers.  You have opinions.  Nothing wrong with sharing them.  But before you are going to start lecturing somebody else about their parenting.  Stop, sit down, and shut up, until that feeling passes.  Then try talking to somebody as an equal, share your opinions (if they are wanted), and don’t forget to listen as well… because you just might learn something.

Recently, I’ve learned that it is not always what I say, but how I say it that makes a big difference.  Tell me, what have you learned that you didn’t know before.

Mother’s Day, One Adoptee’s View

First of all, Happy Mother’s Day to all the Moms out there.  New Moms, Old Moms, Grand Moms as well as the soon to be Moms.  But, for a bit of a change-up here, I want to throw out a special Thank You to two other Moms that often get left out, or worse get somehow “downgraded” by uncaring, unfeeling or just folks that aren’t thinking too clearly.  Those are the Moms that knew enough that they were unable to take care of a child that they had brought into the world and made the very difficult and unselfish decision to give that child up for adoption, and also for those Moms that, whether they couldn’t or simply chose to go the adoption route, gave homes to those children.

I have to admit, it took a lot of soul searching on my part, as well as finally getting to know some people on the other side of the equation to really appreciate the plight of the mother that has given up a child for adoption.  I was going to say “every adopted child” but I really can’t speak for others, so I will say “I” with the understanding that I don’t think that I am really all that different from other adopted children… anyway, I went through a time of wondering “why.”  Why didn’t my mother want me?  What was wrong with me?  And similar questions.  Combine that with many in the general public that seem to think that the only children that are given up for adoption are from people that are shirking their responsibilities as parents, or are “lazy” or “don’t care” or other more hateful things, and it is not difficult to draw a picture in your mind is rather unpleasant.  (Perhaps it is a way of coping… it is easier to think bad things about somebody else, than to question if it is you that is the problem.)

Are situations like that sometimes true… of course. But in all actuality, that is not always the case.  Circumstances are what they are.  Things happen in life. And a woman gets pregnant with a child.  One that she knows damn well she is not in a position to raise properly, and rather than “dragging up” a child though a bad situation, she makes the rather unselfish decision to allow that child to be put up for adoption.  That certainly can’t be an easy decision to make.  And from the few women I know that have done this, it can be (and usually is) quite anguishing… not just at the time of the decision but for years to come (if not forever).  So rather than pick on or chastise or ridicule somebody in that situation, I think it is better to say “Thank You.”  Thank you for being wise enough to know that you would not be able to handle the situation.  Thank You for being unselfish enough to try and make something work that you know would not.

Now follow the strange path that is my brain to the other side of the equation.  The adopting mother.  There are few things in life that annoy me more (which is sort of counter-intuitive to what I just wrote), than to have somebody ask me (and I can’t tell you how many times I have been asked, I lost count long ago) if I am going to try and find my “real” mom.  To this my answer is always the same, “I know where my real mom is, she still lives in the same house that I grew up in.”  Though my mother skirts the issue when asked about it, I know there were people in the family that scoffed that mother was not able to “give my father children.”  There were riffs in the family that lasted many years.  My mother actually went on to forgive one uncle (though I never did).  I find this sort of sentiment unacceptable.  What is not “real” about an adoptive mother?  She is the woman that sacrificed for me, got up to feed me, dealt with illnesses, and driving me to Little League games, always made sure I had a healthy and nutritious meal.  She loved me when I was good.  She loved me when I was a complete and total screw up.  If you think a maternal bond can only come with an umbilical cord, you are sadly mistaken.  I have seen plenty of mothers that had less instincts and love towards children that they gave birth to, than my mother showed to me.

I no longer harbor any resentment or questions (other than health related ones, an issue any adopted child has to deal with) for the woman that gave birth to me.  I wish her well, and an appreciative Thank You.  I don’t know how my life would have turned out if she had not put me up for adoption, nor do I really care.  I know I wound up having a simply wonderful mother, one that loves me, and I love very much.  And in the end, that is all that really matters.  Happy Mothers Day.

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