Comments on: Holding Back

By: Wendy

Wendy — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 18:49:03 +0000

I wish like you would not believe I had waited to put my daughter into kindergarten. All was fine till about 4th grade when it became very clear all the other kids in her grade were maturing and she was left behind. This made it difficult for her to be friends with kids in her class. So she started befriending the kinds of kids you don’t want your child with. It did get better in 5th grade when she started catching up. Now she’s in 9th grade and I feel like a horrible parent for not holding her back cause it is happening again only now it can truly affect her future.

By: kim

kim — Thu, 14 Jun 2007 06:14:10 +0000

I’m in the dilemma and at lost at what the right thing to do for my daughter is– any comments or suggestions is appreciated.

My only daughter will be 5 in late July and meets the cut off for Kindergarten in Sept. She is a bright and very capable child academically and looks forward to school. She is the youngest and smallest kid in her pre-K class, extremely shy and gets teased by the other children as being the “baby.” She spends a lot of time near her teacher, goes to the teacher for everything, and does not stand up to the other kids. She still has a hard time saying goodbye to me in the morning and requests to be hand off to the teacher. To complicate the situation, my daughter has severe food allergies with life threatening reactions. She has been to 4 different childcare centers b/c of food safety issues.
Today she “graduated” from pre-K. Her teacher recommends that I hold her back a year so she can develop physically, socially and emotionally. Academically, she is well-prepared — writing, reading, doing math.

I’m torn at what to do — to hold her back, i have decided that i will enroll her at a different preschool as all but one of her classmates will have moved on — or push her into kindergarten and hope that she will “grow out” of her shyness/emotional immaturity and struggles to fit in physically/socially.

kim

By: Crystal

Crystal — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 05:46:38 +0000

I hope this is a decision I don’t have to face, because it becomes even more complicated for me, having twins. If one of my children were struggling so much that holding them back was a possibility, I would hesitate to do so, worrying that it would affect them emotionally and psychologically, being a year behind their twin. I think holding a child back should only be done when ALL other options have been exhausted, and having a child skip a grade should also be considered a last resort. School is as much about emotional and social development as it is a learning environment, and I think that social development could be seriously harmed by moving a child in either direction.

By: Pete

Pete — Tue, 13 Feb 2007 07:23:05 +0000

We held our son back for the simple reason that all of his friends that he’d made the year of his preschool were staying for another year. The only ones going on were a group of girls. Since his birthday is middle of Dec it was an easy choice for us. Every kid is different. There is no right or wrong decision. You have to go with what you think is best for the child. My daughter is in grade seven, has a birthdate of Dec. 30th, started kindergarten right away, and is having problems now. I don’t think she is mature enough for high school. I think there is a good chance of her falling into the wrong crowd because she hasn’t got a lot of confidence and I wish she had another her in a safer environment. Maybe if we kept her back there would be a difference, maybe not. I know it’s a lot easier for a kid to skip a grade if needed than to hold them back, especially a grade seven girl who wants to get into the big school wether she’s ready or not.

By: Mamalang

Mamalang — Sat, 10 Feb 2007 01:30:32 +0000

I posted a comment on cynicaldad a while back. My middle child turned 5 in Sept, which was after the cutoff for Kindergarten, however they will allow children born in that month to test into kindergarten. She was required to know what they were going to teach her in kindergarten. I was made to feel like one of “those” overachieving parents pushing her kid too soon. She’s in 3rd grade this year, and when I told her teacher that we had to have her tested to get in, she had a look of horror at the thought of her being in 2nd grade this year. She has a hard enough time keeping her from being bored as it is. And when she is bored, she wants to socialize. I’m not telling this story to brag or suggest that every person should start their child at 4 or early 5 or anything like that. My point is that we are their parents, and generally speaking, we know our kid(s) better than anyone else does.

By: Mark

Mark — Fri, 09 Feb 2007 22:16:57 +0000

My biggest problem with the whole debate comes from the teachers. Parents are made to feel that they will be destroying their child’s entire future by making the wrong decision.

That being said, I think sometimes we are in a rush to get these kids into K earlier than they should be. It is a little humbling to realize that your child isn’t ready for kindergarten at age 5, and some parents don’t want to admit it.

I’m not saying one is always better than the other. Every parent wants what is best for their children, and I don’t pretend to know what that is for your kids. I barely know what that is for mine. The unfortunate thing is that they expect us to make this decision in Feburary.

By: Kelly

Kelly — Thu, 08 Feb 2007 20:00:23 +0000

Very well put! I agree with you on all points that kids are being held back for the wrong reasons. If the child is smart and doing his/her work then there is absolutely no reason for the child to be held back. I started school when I was 4 and most of my peers were 5 going on 6 and I turned out ok.

By: AdventureDad

AdventureDad — Thu, 08 Feb 2007 10:38:17 +0000

I agree with Karin. I see nothing wrong with holding kids back for good reasons. Problem is most people today do it for the wrong reasons. The primary reason to hold kids back today is so that they will do better in school. I find this to be wrong to focus on this so early. kids need to have fun and learn through playing for a long time. There will be plenty of time to study and do homework later on.

I have seen no evidence that holding them back works better. Instead it seems that parents go crazy about their kids learning and studying at too early age. I’ve written about too much homework at an early age before and todays parents don’t seem to learn from mistakes.

By: Karin

Karin — Thu, 08 Feb 2007 08:06:06 +0000

Fair enough. There lots of wrong reasons to hold a child back. But what about the right reasons to hold back a child? When they are really to young or immature to go to kindergarten? I have seen it happen with my friends daughter. Teacher recommended strongly for the girl to be held back, but her mother thought her daughter would just fine and ignored this advise. The poor girl lost all her friends, she was friends with the younger ones. And more important, she struggled for years until in 4th grade she failed so bad and was put back to 3rd grade. By then she had learning difficulties and her self-esteem was gone.
Some children start later. That doesn’t mean they will achieve less. Some children need to play a little longer. There is no real good reason to deny them extra play time.