Battling Shyness
I alluded to it in the vacation recap, but really I have been glossing over it. LatteGirl is shy in new surroundings. She easily (for the most park) makes friends when she warms up and lets her guard down. But the time it takes for her to “warm up” in any given situation seems to have gotten worse and not better.
Now, we finally got to the bottom of part of it. It seems that one girl at summer camp that happen to be friends with some of the same people as LatteGirl, was a bit of a bully to her. She didn’t like my little angel and this girl did not have any problem letting LatteGirl know it. LatteGirl has not so far really encountered such a situation where a person she was willing to befriend, simply did not like her and there was nothing she could do about it.
After finally getting this information out during a discussion one day during vacation, she did warm up around some of the kids at the resort. So, I can only assume that her understanding that not everybody is going to like her (something she could only ask “Why?” to, but seemed to finally accept), put her a bit more at ease. But I fear the underlying problem continues.
Part of the problem I suppose is that outside of school/daycare she has very little interaction with other kids. This of course leads to the problem of Mommy and Daddy having to also fill the role of “friend” most of the time. Which leads to her depending and expecting Mommy and Daddy to play that role, plus it is one she knows and is comfortable with. So she shys away (at first) from others.
It is frustrating. It is a problem easily identified. It is a problem that is easy to find the root cause. But it is one that I am perplexed as to how to solve. I thought things like getting her involved in dance classes would help, since there were several girls that she already knew from Pre-K in the class, she built on her relationships with those girls and even with the recitals continued to hide.
Starting a new school in the fall may help a bit, but that of course depends on who or how many previous friends are in the same class. She will start dance classes again, but many of the same kids will be in that class, so I don’t know how much that will change anything. TheWife has tried to get her interested in a few other things such as gymnastics and soccer, but we have to contend one with the fact that she has expressed zero to less than zero interest and two we do not want to wind up making her one of those “overscheduled” children that are always running somewhere, but rarely excel at any one thing because they have their hands in too many things.
Do you have a shy child (or one that has broken out of their “shell”)? How do you deal with it?
Comments
4 Responses to “Battling Shyness”
Got something to say?
-
Sponsors
Yes, Jay, you might never imagine that a woman with my personality would ever have a ’shy’ child, but our five year old is quite shy. To the point of telling us “NO!” when we present activities to her. Catie (5) does splendidly in the classroom, according to her teacher, but is quite shy when trying new things or meeting new people. In fact, she tries to hide behind me when being introduced to a new situation. I have no idea how to overcome it. It is incredibly frustrating, because my husband and I (and our other two daughters) are so outgoing. I keep telling myself the same thing every time it happens: “This, too, shall pass.” It is true when dealing with young children. There is nothing that you cannot outwait!
Hugs to you, my friend.
Here, too, I’ve got very shy kids. Like yours, they can warm up to a situation, but it takes a bit.
I have found no answer, other than to wait - because given time and space, they seem to be getting past this a bit.
Hmm.
My 4 year old is shy and though he had a similar experience to young latte girl at school he’s always been a bit timid. He’s slow to accept change in any area of life though until he makes the decision to move into it. As things stand now I can only attempt to create situations where he can edge slowly out of his comfort zone. For some time it was a source of tremendous worry for me until I realized I was projecting the feelings I have about my own shyness on him. They are beautifully complex little creatures but I’m willing to be that much like Mr. Bear before me said, she will likely grow past this.
My daughter was very shy at that age. I can hardly believe that now as she is such the social butterfly. She went from being bullied in preK and K to be the star of tehshow in 1st and 2nd.
And the thing is, I have no idea why. None. She just came out of her shell. Emerged from her cocoon. Pushed her way to stage center.
If I was forced to tell you how I think it happened, I’d say that she grew in self confidence. Not from spending time with other kids. I don’t think that’s really the answer. But by developing her talents and strecthing her wings with the friends and family she already knows.
Take heart. She’ll work out what’s best for herself as she grows.